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Santorum Letters
July 02, 2004

These are links, unbroken and ready for viewing.

Santorum Speaks: The Video

A Letter from Santorum

Santorum Letters
June 21, 2004

I was at a bar (the Green Room) in Iowa City last night when out of nowhere I heard the lead singer of the band sing "smell the sweet santorum." It might have been Captain Morgan singing to me, but I couldn't think of any other phrase that sounds like "smell the sweet santorum."

Barry R.

Thanks for sharing, Barry.

Santorum Letters
June 10, 2004

Just wanted to let all the santorumphiles out there know that if they are members of www.tribe.net they can join the new Santorum tribe and share tips on how to spread some santorum.

Michael

Thanks for the heads up, Michael.

Santorum Letters
June 09, 2004

I'm sure you've heard about this bill, but I wanted to pass along just in case you haven't.

Senator Rick Santorum is trying to rush a bill to the Senate floor that is so badly written that it could undermine civil rights protections in the workplace -- and make health care less accessible, more discriminatory and riskier.

This legislation would make it easier for individuals to impose their religious beliefs on their coworkers or customers. Unless stopped or amended, Senator Santorum's bill would increase the likelihood that employees could ignore an employer's policies against racial or religious harassment of coworkers.

The Santorum legislation would strengthen the hand of police officers who want to pick and choose who they will protect, and emergency health care workers and mental health counselors who could abandon patients because their care conflicts with the worker's religious beliefs -- or simply because the patient is gay or lesbian.

Take Action! Don't let Congress open the door to religious discrimination that will harm coworkers, patients or customers.

Click here for more information and to urge your Representative to oppose this legislation!

www.aclu.org

FYI -- Janeane Garofalo just mentioned "santorum" (nearly correctly defined) on her Majority Report show on Air America Radio tonight...

- B.

Victory is surely ours! And later this week -- I promise -- on this here website, you will be able to view video of Santorum discussing santorum! And read a riveting letter from Sen. Santorum discussing santorum!

Ms. Grafolo used "santorum" on her radio show. Now Reason Magazine is calling Rick Santorum "the frothy mixture" on their website:

Protected by a Higher Power

The ACLU warns of a bill sponsored by Rick "the frothy mixture" Santorum that would expand the scope of accomodations employers, public and private, must make to the religious practices of employees. The text of the Workplace Religious Freedom Act makes it sound as though it's mostly about religous clothing or taking off religious holidays, but the ACLU worries its vague wording would force employers to countenance proselytizing on the job or even employee refusal to work with gay or female clients or colleagues.

Interesting side note: Santorum's joined in sponsoring this one by Senators Clinton and John Kerry (the sponsor of a previous version of the bill in the late 90s).

So when, oh when, is the mainstream media going to report on the santorum phenomenon?

Santorum Letters
June 03, 2004

Sen. Rick Santorum may not approve of this recent campaign to lure gay tourists-and our gay dollars-to Philly, a big, gay city in the big, gay state of Pennsylvania. I'm not sure the gay in SF who designed the rainbow flag is going to like it much either.



Philly.jpg
Santorum Letters
May 18, 2004

This is a letter in response to the one against Arlen Specter, posted on May 17.

Specter is merely supporting his fellow Senator because they are both members of the same party. But other than that, they are very very different politicians. Arlen Specter is one of the most liberal Republicans in the Senate, and he has repeatedly sided with us liberals against right-wing religious zealotry in government. In fact, the right is so angry at Arlen that Pat Toomey, a right-wing Congressman from the Pittsburgh area, nearly defeated Specter in the Republican primary, with the incumbent eking out a 51-49 victory. Specter was endorsed by both Bush and Santorum in the primary, but should not be associated with either. It was merely a professional courtesy; Toomey was much much closer to Bush and Santorum. It's unfortunate that Specter is coming up for reelection this year instead of Santorum, as I would really really like to see the latter gone. Please do not associate Specter with horrible sex acts. There are many others to choose from, like our friend James "I'm outraged at the outrage over the prison abuse...these prisoners, they're murderers, terrorists, insurgents" Inhofe of Oklahoma.

Sincerely,

Parag Bhayani

"Santorum is Latin for 'asshole.'" -- Bob Kerrey

No sexual meaning will be attached to Spector's name if I can help it, PB. Like I said, Santorum/santorum is the only redefinition campaign that I'm going to launch. If someone else wants to have a whack at Spector, they're welcome to try. But this attaching-a-sexual-meaning-to-an-asshole-Senator's-name stuff is harder work than it appears to be.

Santorum Letters
May 17, 2004

Dear Dan,

As a philologist of sorts, I was intrigued by your recent revival of an old Latin term for the by now familiar frothy agglomeration. While "Santorum" is an excellent word, it is a sad reminder of the state of the English language when opaque latinate lexica eclipse our solid Germanic root stock. After all, there is nothing wrong with the fine old Anglo-Saxon "buttbutter," the rustic charm of which evokes the scents and sensibilities of a stolid British grammar school. As regards this particular trope, English is fairly typical of Western European languages; witness the German cognate, "Arschbutter," or the French "beurre anal." Spanish, however, is an interesting exception. The term "Alsaon," like so many Spanish words that have survived since the end of the Moorish occupation, is derived from a Maghrebi-Berber term, which is in turn a corruption of a Latin loan word, none other than "Santorum"!

Yours in erudition,

Alex L

Dear Alex:

We've already covered this topic on spreadingsantorum.com. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex is disgusting enough without giving it a name that implies it is something a person should spread on toast and eat. "Butter" in the context of this particularly frothy mix invites unwelcome mental images. If "buttbutter" was a term applied to the frothy mix before my readers decided to name it after Sen. Rick Santorum, it wasn't in wide usage-probably because it associates santorum with a food product. To conclude, buttbutter is dead. Long live santorum!

Hi Dan.

The other day my partner and I were watching a BBC documentary with friends we're visiting here in New Zealand. The subject of the documentary was "The Silver Ring Thing", the absurd abstinence-only group. Anyway, someone on the program mentioned that Rick Santorum was an advocate of this particular abstinence group. Well, just hearing his name made us laugh and laugh. Our Kiwi friends wanted to know what was so funny. We explained the frothy mix to them - and now santorum is being spread all over Down Under!

Spreading Santorum on Holiday

Dear SSOH:

Thanks for doing your part!

Hey Dan,

Just thought you should see this. Arlen Specter, the other GOP Senator from Pennsylvania, has said he would support Sen. Froth Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter "for any future leadership race "anything, including president."

President Lube 'n' Shit? Frightening.

Here's the link:

www.hoeffelforsenate.com

It's on the website of Joe Hoeffel, the Dem challenging Specter.

Remember that prick you chewed out for hiding under his roommate's bed while the "total stud" is fucking and then reaching up and grabbing the girl? Maybe we call the practice of hiding, watching, and groping "Spectering."

Against Santorum and Specter

Dear ASAS:

I get letters every day nominating other disgusting politicians for the santorum treatment. I'm afraid I'm going to decline your invitation, as I've declined all the others. The success of "santorum" is, I think, unique. I don't think I could get lightening to strike again. And, my God, there's an endless stream of awful, sexphobic, right-wing nutcases out there-if we keep naming sex acts and byproducts after them, ASAS, we will eventually reach a stage where we can't have sex without reading off the names of half the Republicans in the country. And that, my friend, will make sexphobes of us all.

Santorum Letters
May 10, 2004

I take exception to mk eagle' s letter. Dan, you made it into the Ivy League a long time ago...

Once upon a time (I believe it was late August) you published a letter in Savage Love from a "Doctoral Student of communication at an Ivy League University" who URGED you "not to let Santorum fade." History (and Google) tells the tale of how successful that advice was.

Dan, I am that selfsame doctoral student, and I say "Great Job." Santorum has spread to the four corners of the globe. And as a Philadelphia resident, and constituent of the senator, I can say that it has done nothing to improve his image here at home. I've even garnered some personal fame. When I met Henry Rollins this past winter (he's a friend of a friend), he recognized me at "Santorum Peef". Odd times.

Dan, don't let the magic stop. You've managed not only to change the language, but you've inched public opinion ever so slightly in a better direction. Together, we CAN paint this town brown.

Philly Peef

Dear PP:

Thanks for keeping in touch and I'm sure everyone who reads spreadingsantorum.com regularly would, if they could, thank you personally for inspiring first the Santorum/santorum contest and, consequenly, this website.

Give my regards to Mr. Rollins.

This article was sent to you from: A friend in D.C.

Santorum Jeered at Graduation

May 10, 2004

THORNBURY | U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum was greeted with boos, jeers and turned backs Saturday while giving a commencement speech at Cheyney University, an historically black college, a newspaper reported.

''I know my selection as commencement speaker was not met with unanimous approval,'' Santorum said, according to the Daily Local News of West Chester.

While most of the master's degree candidates remained seated during Santorum's speech, more than half of the graduating undergraduates stood and faced away from the senator in silent protest, the paper reported. A scattering of audience members also joined the protest.

Santorum admitted that a conservative Republican might not be an obvious choice for speaker at an institution that claims to be the oldest historically black college in the nation. ''Our great universities don't hide from controversy. They understand they have an obligation to challenge students. They have an obligation to challenge politically correct dogma and ideas,'' Santorum said, according to the paper.

Part of Santorum's speech encouraged students to rebel against today's self-centered culture that says ''if it feels good, do it.'' Instead, he said, the motto should be ''if it's good for others, do it.''

The quiet protest turned to a chorus of boos and jeers at several points, particularly when Santorum focused on family values and the percentage of black children born out of wedlock, the paper reported. (AP)

Copyright (c) 2004, The Morning Call

Dear AFIDC:

Thanks for sharing, A Friend in D.C. Oh, and while we're on the subject of friends in Washington...

Spreadingsantorum.com has lots and lots of friends in D.C., truth be told. The nice kids at extraugly.com sell an awful lot of santorum t-shirts to people with D.C. addresses -- including addresses on the Hill, particularly at the Senate office building.

Just thought I should point out that, while your site is the first thing to come up when someone runs a Google search for santorum, the senator's home page is still the first thing to come up on a search for rick santorum. Maybe people should start working on that now.

Computer Lit

Dear CL:

Thanks for sharing, C.L. Spreadingsantorum.com is currently the second thing that comes up when you search "Rick Santorum," and that is simply unacceptable. So let's get to work people: Google "Rick Santorum," then click on this webpage. Let's get on top of Rick Santorum -- it's where we belong!

You said you didn't get it. The picture is a magic card that shows what powers the santorum creature has. Magic is that dorky card game that lots of people play. My college roommate used to play it.

Noah M.

P.S. This is best website. Thank you for doing this.

Deah NM:

Ah, thanks for clueing me in. I missed out on lots of dorky stuff at college because I was too busy taking drugs and having sex. Them's the breaks.

Dear Dan,

Was I ever (pleasantly) surprised to see my Santorum magic card on the SpreadingSantorum page! I had just mentioned it to a friend, too, so I had a little twilight zone moment for a second. Anyway, the card is based on the popular game Magic: The Gathering, and half the fun of Magic is creating new cards that mock real world people/events etc, but still use the same terminology and wording as actual cards. The Fark photoshop competition was to make one of a politician, and I figured, why not our beloved Rick Santorum?

Dan

Nice job on the card...

In other santorum-related news... check back later in the week. At long last, and after many delays, the Santorum-is-asked-about-santorum video goes live on spreadingsantorum.com, along with a letter from Santorum's office about santorum. It's a banner week for us, so please remember to surf back in on Friday!

Santorum Letters
May 10, 2004

I take exception to mk eagle' s letter. Dan, you made it into the Ivy League a long time ago...

Once upon a time (I believe it was late August) you published a letter in Savage Love from a "Doctoral Student of communication at an Ivy League University" who URGED you "not to let Santorum fade." History (and Google) tells the tale of how successful that advice was.

Dan, I am that selfsame doctoral student, and I say "Great Job." Santorum has spread to the four corners of the globe. And as a Philadelphia resident, and constituent of the senator, I can say that it has done nothing to improve his image here at home. I've even garnered some personal fame. When I met Henry Rollins this past winter (he's a friend of a friend), he recognized me at "Santorum Peef". Odd times.

Dan, don't let the magic stop. You've managed not only to change the language, but you've inched public opinion ever so slightly in a better direction. Together, we CAN paint this town brown.

Philly Peef

Dear PP:

Thanks for keeping in touch and I'm sure everyone who reads spreadingsantorum.com regularly would, if they could, thank you personally for inspiring first the Santorum/santorum contest and, consequenly, this website.

Give my regards to Mr. Rollins.

This article was sent to you from: A friend in D.C.

Santorum Jeered at Graduation

May 10, 2004

THORNBURY | U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum was greeted with boos, jeers and turned backs Saturday while giving a commencement speech at Cheyney University, an historically black college, a newspaper reported.

''I know my selection as commencement speaker was not met with unanimous approval,'' Santorum said, according to the Daily Local News of West Chester.

While most of the master's degree candidates remained seated during Santorum's speech, more than half of the graduating undergraduates stood and faced away from the senator in silent protest, the paper reported. A scattering of audience members also joined the protest.

Santorum admitted that a conservative Republican might not be an obvious choice for speaker at an institution that claims to be the oldest historically black college in the nation. ''Our great universities don't hide from controversy. They understand they have an obligation to challenge students. They have an obligation to challenge politically correct dogma and ideas,'' Santorum said, according to the paper.

Part of Santorum's speech encouraged students to rebel against today's self-centered culture that says ''if it feels good, do it.'' Instead, he said, the motto should be ''if it's good for others, do it.''

The quiet protest turned to a chorus of boos and jeers at several points, particularly when Santorum focused on family values and the percentage of black children born out of wedlock, the paper reported. (AP)

Copyright (c) 2004, The Morning Call

Dear AFIDC:

Thanks for sharing, A Friend in D.C. Oh, and while we're on the subject of friends in Washington...

Spreadingsantorum.com has lots and lots of friends in D.C., truth be told. The nice kids at extraugly.com sell an awful lot of santorum t-shirts to people with D.C. addresses -- including addresses on the Hill, particularly at the Senate office building.

Just thought I should point out that, while your site is the first thing to come up when someone runs a Google search for santorum, the senator's home page is still the first thing to come up on a search for rick santorum. Maybe people should start working on that now.

Computer Lit

Dear CL:

Thanks for sharing, C.L. Spreadingsantorum.com is currently the second thing that comes up when you search "Rick Santorum," and that is simply unacceptable. So let's get to work people: Google "Rick Santorum," then click on this webpage. Let's get on top of Rick Santorum -- it's where we belong!

You said you didn't get it. The picture is a magic card that shows what powers the santorum creature has. Magic is that dorky card game that lots of people play. My college roommate used to play it.

Noah M.

P.S. This is best website. Thank you for doing this.

Deah NM:

Ah, thanks for clueing me in. I missed out on lots of dorky stuff at college because I was too busy taking drugs and having sex. Them's the breaks.

Dear Dan,

Was I ever (pleasantly) surprised to see my Santorum magic card on the SpreadingSantorum page! I had just mentioned it to a friend, too, so I had a little twilight zone moment for a second. Anyway, the card is based on the popular game Magic: The Gathering, and half the fun of Magic is creating new cards that mock real world people/events etc, but still use the same terminology and wording as actual cards. The Fark photoshop competition was to make one of a politician, and I figured, why not our beloved Rick Santorum?

Dan

Nice job on the card...

In other santorum-related news... check back later in the week. At long last, and after many delays, the Santorum-is-asked-about-santorum video goes live on spreadingsantorum.com, along with a letter from Santorum's office about santorum. It's a banner week for us, so please remember to surf back in on Friday!

Santorum Letters
May 04, 2004

Dan, I found this on a Photoshop contest on Fark.com. I thought You'd like it. Joe Philadelphia

santorummagic.jpg

Thanks, Joe... I like it. I don't get it, but I like it...
Santorum Letters
April 26, 2004

Dear Dan,

I take issue with your assertion about "diluting" the meaning of the term "santorum." In fact, you will find that the more successful lexical items, neologisms and so forth, are the ones that can have multiple meanings and that are applicable in more than their original context. Making the jump from the literal (concrete) meaning to a metaphorical or a metonymical application of the term is a sure sign of success. I think that this, in fact, points to the success of your campaign and does not in any way detract from the original meaning that you assigned to the term. If you manage to create a "concept", it is a far greater accomplishment than merely labelling some physical phenomenon. Concepts are enduring.

FYI, I am a linguist, and I am certain that linguists that you may consult on this matter will concur.

Teaching Others New, Glorious, Understandable English

Hey Dan--just wanted to let you know that santorum has made its way to the Ivy League. Demon, a (mediocre) comedy magazine, released its fall issue with "Sen. Rick 'frothy mix of lube and fecal matter' Santorum" listed among the magazine staff.

-mk eagle

I've made the big time at last!

I may not be the best writer in the world, but I think I've proven that nobody at Amazon reads the reviews submitted by the readers before posting them. Check out the reviews of Karen Santorum's book:

Everyday Graces: A Child's Book of Good Manners

In particular, look under "All Customer Reviews."

Dorkface Petunia

Well done, Dorkface!

Santorum Letters
April 22, 2004

Hi Dan,

I just wanted to let you know that I was listening to, but not necessarily paying deep attention to, NPR the other day while getting ready to take a shower and I overheard them say "santorum". I immediately thought of your version of santorum. I don't know if this speaks more to my devoted readership of your column, the fact that, as a grad student I have no time to pay attention to the "real" news (besides NPR and the Daily Show), or the fact that it was early. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you've had a [perhaps disturbing] effect on me.

Thanks!

Alex

Department of Anthropology

Emory University

Dear Alex: I'm thrilled to know that I made the morning news more bearable for you. And aren't you going to miss Bob Edwards? I know I am.

Santorum Letters
April 21, 2004

Dear Dan:

I know someone whose last name is Swallows. She's a sweet girl, but I do hope, for her sake and ours, that she never marries someone whose last name is Santorum - and decides to hyphenate.

Santorum Hyphenation is Terrible

Dear SHIT:

I agree --as last-name hyphenates go, "Swallows-Santorum" has to be the most unfortunate example I've ever heard. Let's hope your young Miss Swallows never falls for one of Senator Santorum's spawn.

Santorum Letters
April 20, 2004

Dear Dan:

I am very pleased and amused at the success so far of your santorum campaign. I can only hope it achieves what it deserves to achieve, and what Rick deserves to live with, that being its entrenchment in dictionaries and conversation everywhere. I thought of a slogan for your site, whether you enjoy it or find it ridiculously lame I cannot predict, but I figured I would email you regardless. It’s “Help spread the word.” This is, of course, a double meaning, both as a call to the dissemination of the truth about certain bigot politicians and the new usage of their names, as well as to the spreading of santorum all over the bedsheets. It also refers to the name of your website, in part. Simply an idea I thought I would communicate. My apologies if this has already been thought up.

Sincerely Yours,

Canadian Appreciates Redefined Language

Thanks for sharing, CARL, but I've already used "spread the word" in reference to santorum numerous times. (No slam intended -- you know what they say about great minds, right?) My favorite slogan, however, is the one that calls to mind the substance, the growing use/popularity of the word, and a visceral reaction of disgust -- it's also the slogan that my readers begged me to stop using: "Santorum -- it's on everyone's lips!"

Santorum Letters
April 19, 2004

Dear Dan,

I thought you might appreciate this story: I am a youthworker in Edinburgh, Scotland and was recently in a training session regarding sexual health and sexually transmitted infections. We were discussing bodily fluids and HIV transmission risks when one of my coworkers said, 'yes, but what about santorum?', which prompted a 10 minute discussion on santorum and STIs: what are the risks? Youthworkers can take the fun out of anything.

I thought you might appreciate knowing that santorum, in its frothy fashion, has spread across the Atlantic.

Cheers,

Sarah

Thanks for sharing, Sarah. With any luck "santorum" will soon take its rightful place in the OED.

Santorum Letters
April 15, 2004

I would just like to add the following embarrassing surnames to the list provided in Tom's letter of April 7th, and remind everyone that they are all (much) more common than Santorum: Woodcock (3455), Cockerham (6608), Hathcock (7535), Glasscock (7836), Pitcock (11324), Cockburn (15886), Pocock (21325), Laycock (22119), Cocker (32228), Cocks (34042), Cockman (36701), Cockram (38359), Woolcock (38797), Sincock (42073), Pincock (45892), Hiscock (51344), Handcock (51475), Growcock (51542), Lacock (71038), Decock (73766), Cocking (86633), Allcock (88616), Acock (88750), Loser (43064), Dumbleton (22318), Dacunto (44160), Balls (15928), Balling (18347), Snowball (22621), Ballman (36335), Muff (14809), Schmuff (68149), McNutt (2846), Blackie (44520), Homola (63252), Jerkins (11360), Jerko (71641), Holeman (10347), Fagg (19206), Fagley (32048), Hooker (1670), Oshita (29879), Peniston (50053), Penister (50054), Penisson (69214), Sementilli (29675), Semenza (32867), Semen (36880), Belcher (1073), Belch (28005), McCracker (70222), Butt (5069), Buttram (12675), Buttermore (36162), Smelley (12726), Smutz (39187), Lube (62271), Reamer (11647), Smallwood (1665), Blackwood (3959), Leatherwood (5659), Woodring (6938), Fullwood (11070), Titsworth (17521), Titze (41846), Titlow (49022), Titman (53813), Stains (32782), Shorthair (78210), Bush (304), and Cheney (2346).

Much love,

Morehead Formey Brownsword

Dear MFB:

Acock? Balling? Hooker? Buttram? Thanks for pointing out that plenty of people have struggled all their lives with names that have embarrassing double-meanings, MFB, not just the odd asshole senators who annoyed the odd asshole sex advice columnists. While all the poor, innocent Santorums out there were tainted by the new definition of their last name, they are certainly not the first folks to have to face the world saddled with a seamy last name. Poor dears, all those innocent Santorums, how they're going to suffer now that "santorum: the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex" is taking root. But look at it this way, Santorums: the Titmans, Homolas, Ballmans, Cockings, Lubes, and Snowballs have suffered all their lives with their undignified last names. You people, on the other hand, only have to suffer for the *rest* of your lives.

Dear Dan:

BBspot.com, a satire/humor site that is aimed at computer literate types (aka "geeks") holds an annual Geek Limerick contest. Santorum made an honorable mention.

By Seth Brown

The Internet is a great forum;
We can mock people when we abhor 'em.
And if you don't believe
What the web can achieve,
Then just Google our dear friend Santorum.

The page:

www.bbspot.com

The full results:

www.bbspot.com (final results)

Just thought you might find this one amusing...

Tim B.

Dear Tim: Thanks for sharing -- this isn't the first example of santorum poetry we've received here at www.spreadingsantorum.com, but it's definitely the best. It's certainly better than all those too-easy-to-bother-to-post haikus that have poured in since we launched this site. Note to haiku stylists: any idiot can pull together an enigmatic 5-7-5 haiku about santorum -- or anythign else, for that matter. A Limerick, however, takes real skill, talent and discipline. Let Seth Brown be an example to you. He's is an impressive young man and poet who we will be hearing more from, God willing.

Santorum Letters
April 09, 2004

Dear Dan,

This may strike you as odd, but after reading Savage Love for a couple of years and having developed a concept of "santorum," albeit not through direct experience, I have something that I would like to share with you.

Recently, while painting my daughter's bedroom with a roller, an odd thing happened. The white ceiling paint that I was using got mixed with a caked-on dry red paint that was on the ends of the roller and frothed-up into a pinkish-brown slurry. I immediately thought "santorum."

Though this might seem bizarre to many of your readers, it was a revelation of sorts for me. This was a cognitive leap, a form of metaphorization, which is a fundamental aspect of human cognition, language and conceptualization. This means that in my conceptual system, worldview and idiolect, "santorum" has become a more generalized term which can mean any sort of frothy mixture resulting as a by-product of another action.

Maybe others have had this experience? The more this sort of thing happens, the greater the likelihood that "santorum" will survive more than a generation. We must teach this concept to our children!

Teaching Others New, Glorious, Understandable English

I haven't heard from anyone else about the phenomenon you describe, TONGUE, but for the sake of making Sen. Santorum regret ever opening his mouth in public I hope it doesn't catch on. The new meaning of santorum -- that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex -- hasn't been in play long enough to become firmly established. It's only just started popping up in places that don't refer to my column or this campaign -- one sign, according to the linguists, that the word is catching on. If alternate or fuzzy meanings start gaining ground, TONGUE, I fear the scatological meaning may be diluted. Weak santorum, hardly frothy, would be a poor reward for all the effort I've poured into this campaign, don't you think?

Santorum Letters
April 07, 2004

I really enjoy reading your column as it makes me feel damn near normal. And I particularly like your take on your favorite politician. It's gotten to the point that the word santorum automatically has your connotation in my mind rather than the man behind the myth.

Unfortunately, as a student intern, I had to sit through a ridiculously boring teleconference today with various political lobbyists from various nonprofit organizations. As the role call went through, people discussed their work with their national politicians. When santorum was mentioned I nearly spewed my tepid coffee out of my nose and my supervisor gave me an odd look. It honestly took me a moment to remind myself that it was a name, not a fluid. So, thanks for making a tedious meeting far more interesting.

Keep up the good work!

Cleaned Out Sinuses in Chicago

Dan,

I have been fascinated by the Santorum craze and I guess it is a shame that a couple innocent Santorums are going to become fodder in the righteous defamation that Rick Santorum deserves. What I find interesting however is how few victims there seem to be? This whole campaign seems to have less collateral damage than any of the smart bomb that Bu$h has been hurling around the mid-east. I decided to investigate the 1990 US census list of surnames.

http://www.census.gov/genealogy/names/dist.all.last

It lists all the names in the 1990 US survey with the percent of the population with that last name and ranks the name in terms of how common they are. The list starts of predictably with Smith, Johnson, Williams, Jones, and Brown and then you get into the rarer names. For example .02% of the US population are Savages and the name is the 582nd most common. The list however didn't even include one Santorum US Senator or not nobody in the family must have filled out a survey that year. The list did include Santor, Santora,

Santore, Santoro, Santory, Santorelli, Santorella, and Santoriella but I don't think that they are catching any flack from the Santorum phenomenon.

Now there may be very few Santorums in the US but unfortunately Crapo is the 22365th most common name. And there are kids with the last name of Faggett (47505), Takeshita (59819), Sluter (60168), Morgas (80850) and Assalone(88332) and the poor kids with these last names have been steely-jawed walking across the playground for years. The very fact that Dickerson is 517th most common surname and they have to share the same insults and feel the same pain as Dickinson, Reddick, Dickman, Bendick, Haddick, Medick, Dickhoff, Dickensheets, Benedick, Tendick, Sickendick, Overdick and the exotic Ladick means that great swaths of the American population are suffering horrible titles. Gay is the 774th most common surname and do you think that having the last name of Begay, Gaylord, Gayman, Gayer, Dugay, Gayheart, Gayfield, Gayoso, Gayo in grade school makes life very easy yet their are no movements to try to change the meaning of Gay for those that happen to have a Gay last name. Life often deals us an unfortunate hand but you just have to deal with the name your born into and whatever legacy that presents or change it. Little kids don't even need an easy lead in to make any name sound like an insult so it really doesn't matter what your called does it. So to the dozen or so innocent Santorums through-out the US; "tough luck, you're surname has been sacrificed for a higher cause."

PS I learned in Rick Santorum's on-line biography that his father was an immigrant from Italy so because I figure Santorum will soon be spreading over seas I thought I would check the Italian White Pages to see if your definition was about to become a curse on some poor unsuspecting mountain village. I only found 12 listings in a couple towns in Northern Italy. I wish them fortitude in what will surely be a trying time and ask that if the owners of the Santorum Bar and Lounge in Riva Del Garda could take a picture of your bar, I think it would be really funny. I am also curious to know what the origin of Santorum's name is. If it is a literal translation from Italian it means Holy Noise, which might explain away his whole quest to begin with.

Tom

Santorum Letters
March 24, 2004

There's nothing I hate more than the phrase "somebody should." So I'm starting an organization to encourage hetero couples to add Freedom to Marry donations to their wedding registries. I want to talk with other people around the U.S. who are interested in doing the same thing. I've set up an e-mail address, equalityregistry@yahoo.com, and I will add interested people who contact me to a Yahoo! group so we can share ideas and build a grassroots movement together. You could help by posting the address in your next Savage Love column or on the Spreading Santorum site (or both). I know you promised the next column would be all about pussy farts, but what's the occasional white lie in an election year?

Thank you,

Suzanne B. Anthony

Santorum Letters
March 23, 2004

Dear Dan,

As I understand it, Google is supposed to be a "smart" search engine because it records which result people click first as a result of search. I applaud the fact that your site is again currently No. 1 on Google, having seen the Senator's page first the last few times a I checked.

I would urge all fans of your page to do what I do to help keep your site the first result: I never type the name of your site into the Address box in my browser. Everytime I want to visit the page I Google "santorum" and click the link to your site. If everyone did this every time, it would do a lot to keep it at the top. Also, no matter how tempted we are to check up on the insidious Senator's latest activities, we must never go to Rick's site via Google. If it's crucial that one must go there, either go to the direct link, which is very easy to remember (hint: my senator's site is www.schumer.senate.gov or go to www.senate.gov and go to the pop up menu of states to Pennsylvania.)

By the way, my favorite quote using Santorum, from a straight friend of mine, is: "Yeah the [Hotel name omitted] was really nice, except for the Santorum stains on the sheets."

--Matthew, Brooklyn, NY

Thanks for the hot tip, Matthew. It's gratifying to be #1 at Google again -- thanks to all out there helping to keep this campaign alive. Oh, and coming soon... video of the Senator being asked about the new meaning of his name!

Santorum Letters
March 18, 2004

Hi Dan,

Thought you might be pleased to know that Santorum has now featured in "Roger's Profanisaurus", the Ultimate Swearing Dictionary. The profanisaurus is the "most foul mouthed dictionary ever to shame the shelves of a bookshop", has over 4000 entries, and is hysterically funny.

You can see a sample of entries in the Profanisaurus at www.viz.co.uk. Viz is an adult comic produced 10 times a year in the UK and each issue has updates to the Profanisaurus. I attach a scan of the definition of santorum in the March issue.

Lots of love,

Mike


profanisaurus.jpg

Dan,

Tonight's episode of Jeopardy featured a question about Senator Santorum and I can honestly say that I laughed out loud when I heard Trebek read it. Thank you for attaching the new definition to his name. I never cease to be amused!

Beth,

Canada

This was the goal: Whenever and wherever his name is spoken, people laugh—they remember that there's more to Santorum than just a right-wing asshole from a swing state. Santorum is not just an asshole, people think when they hear his name or see his sour face on TV, but something that drips from them. He knows we've done this to him and it must be eating him up inside. It's a thrill, yes?

You are now the #2 result from Google, but your page rank is much higher. How is that possible? Has the good senator persuaded the search engine to bias the results? What's the word?

Spot

Dear Spot: I have no idea how that would happen—but if I'm being cheated out of my rightful #1 ranking on Google, well, I'll sue! There was a time when this website held the #1 slot on Google, then I slipped back down to #3. I figured the Senator was out there asking his supporters to link to his page in an effort to spare him the humiliation of having www.spreadingsantorum.com pop up first when unsuspecting supporters Google'd his name. But now it seems that there might be a wider plot at work here, something more insidious and unfair. I will get to the bottom of this!

Hello friends at spreadingsantorum,

Not sure if you've seen this already, but below is the link to the February edition of the Guidance Counselor advice page on cruisingforsex.com, an amazing website that lists international public sex locations. The off-the-cuff mention of santorum is pretty wonderful - a true sign that it's really catching on.

cruisingforsex.com

Spreading santorum is a movement that's only just begun. I admire your efforts.

Sincerely, MJQ

Thanks for the heads up, MJQ. If anyone else spots santorum being used with its new meaning, in its proper context, please send me the clip or the link. The more often the word is actually used with its new meaning without any mention of me, the Senator, this website, or my campaign, the likelier it is to wind up in dictionaries. I'd like to document instances of the "new" santorum appearing in print. So if you spot one, send it my way! Thanks!

So, this has nothing to do with love/sex, unless of course one happens to have some sort of senatorial fetish (I imagine that some twisted folks might enjoy masturbating to the picture of Chuck Hagel) but I think it bears mentioning, since it casts further light onto the fuckupedness that is Sen. Rick Santorum... Go and take a look at www.zug.com and check out his entry. Never before have I read anything quite so bland. That letter, to me, encapsulates a sort of sterile insipid cookie-cutter mediocrity that hasn't been seen since the 1950's... So, if it provides you with some ammunition great... If not, oh well... I tried....

-DAS

Thanks for sharing, DAS. Of course the Senator is dull and insipid -- anyone who walks around with his ass clenched as tightly as ol' Rick's butt is bound to be too distracted to enjoy or remember a good joke. You actually have to release muscles in your lower body when you laugh -- including some butt muscles, which is why some people cut one when they laugh. This Rick is constitutionally incapable of doing.

Santorum Letters
March 16, 2004

Dan,

While I have no real experience in personally spreading santorum, I am pleased as punch that you have tied a can to the ass of the Senator from Pennsylvania. I have always enjoyed your column and generally found your sex advice and liberal rantings to be right on the mark.

I've spent a little time reading the letters on your spreadingsantorum.com site and can't help but shake my head at the outrage of those offended by your campaign. These appear to be the same folks who never work up a good froth at the abominations being perpetrated by Sen. Santorum and his ilk but it sure doesn't take them long to lament the future of our country if the lefties and fags and treehuggers get too much control.

One of my longtime frustrations has been that while Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and their brethren have the run of the airwaves and print media, the left doesn't have any bulldogs. Sure, we've got plenty of thoughtful, insightful, intelligent proponents but nobody who is willing to just throw down the gloves and say what we are all thinking: "Rush, W., Rick: You guys are full of shit!" It's telling and more than a bit unsettling that two of the most vocal left-wingers in the land are a sex advice columnist and a comedian most famous for his short lived appearances on Saturday Night Live.

Thanks for many a laugh and plenty of insight into our world.

Keep fighting the good fight,

Doc Ed

Dear Doc Ed.

I think Al Franken is more famous for his books -- and that idiotic lawsuit the dopes at FoxNews filed about his use of the phrase "fair and balanced" -- than he ever was for his appearances on Saturday Night Live. Also, I think there are other lefty cultural critics you neglect to give props to, from Michael Moore to Molly Ivans. Still, I'd love to join Franken on his new radio network, if the powers that be over there were thinking about a sex advice show....

I've been reading about santorum since the beginning. I am a religious reader of savage love, and I now check spreadingsantorum every day to check for new updates. I tell everyone about the new meaning of the word and I support your cause whole-heartedly. However, I do think credit needs to be given to the anonymous writer who came up with it and nominated it! I wrote you about this a few weeks ago and got no answer...As this becomes a bigger and bigger cultural phenomenon, the public needs to know who this genius is!!!

Tao

Hey, Tao: I will look up that genius and see if he's willing to have his name out there and do an interview on this website.

Santorum Letters
March 04, 2004

Dear Mr. Savage,

Imagine my surprise when I came across your site, Spreading Santorum while searching for information about Mike Savage, one of the Right's most eloquent speakers.

How dare you compare Sen. Santorum to the fluids generated by a homosexual sex act. I'm not going to allow you to get away with it. I'm going to alert my God-fearing readers to your vile website by placing links to it everywhere I've mentioned Sen. Santorum's name on my blog. That's not a small number. I write about Sen. Santorum frequently, like in this letter to Sen. Santorum, this post about how Sen. Santorum helped me bring homosexual vultures back to the Lord, this otherletter to Sen. Santorum, and this poster featuring Sen. Santorum.

I'm also going urge others in the bloggensraum to do the same. You're attack on Sen. Santorum will not go unnoticed.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

patriotboy.blogspot.com

Dear JC:

One quibble: As I've pointed out numerous times already, santorum is a substance that two straight-or a horde of straight people-can make. Indeed, when you consider how many more straights there are than gays and the growing popularity of anal sex among straights (from man-on-girl to girl-on-man), you can only conclude that the vast majority of santorum is pumped out of straight butts.

--

Santorum Letters
March 03, 2004

Dan-

I was reading the site and noticed that someone asked for a bumper sticker to spread the word. I have a shop at cafepress.com and I decided to supply the demand by creating a bumper sticker with your logo. If you don't like it or don't approve for whatever reason, I will be happy to take it down. I did not add anything to the basic charge so I will not make any money off of the sale of the bumper sticker. However, if you would like to raise some money for the website, I will happily change the price and donate all profits to spreadingsantorum.com. It's up to you. Please let me know what you think.

santorum bumper sticker

Hope this is okay...if not, please let me

know as soon as possible.

Kristi Wilkins,

Avid reader of spreadingsantorum.com

Santorum Letters
February 26, 2004

quimby's

These guys have a santorum reference prominently displayed at the top of their home page. I just thought that you would like to know.

The spector of your influence looms large. You go guy.

Have a great day.

Sincerely,

Pete Fiedler

Santorum Letters
February 25, 2004

Hi Dan

Given the current decisions in Massachusetts, Canada and San Fran, and the President's speech yesterday, I would implore you to take up an additional campaign to your successful and hilarious bitch slapping of Senator Santorum.

I think that nation is ripe for a mass nonviolent civil rights movement for gay rights and marriage. Shrub has thrown down his gauntlet in the form of an asinine constitutional amendment. That could fuck things up for decades to come. We must match him. It’s time to take to the streets and chapels and courts to demand equal rights for gays and lesbians the marriage movement that is currently taking place in California needs to spread and not pitter out into nothing.

They Have the President and the Terminator. Who do we have to lead us?

Liberal Straight Dude

Dear LSD:

First, fuck George W. Bush. I watched his little "must protect the sanctity of marriage speech" yesterday morning, then I watched the big finale to "My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiancé" later that same night. Yep, that's one sacred ol' institution, that marriage stuff. Wouldn't want to fuck it up by letting homos get hitched, now would we?

As for your suggestion, LSD, I'm all for a sustained campaign of non-violent civil disobedience. While the marriages in San Francisco are thrilling to watch from afar, those of us who live in big, liberal cities where our mayors aren't willing to walk their talk on gay rights—unlike foxy Mayor Newscome—don't have the option ofmarrying just yet. That's why I think gays and lesbians should start crashing straight marriages and wedding receptions. Not to disrupt them, heaven forbid. We should sneak in during the first dance and, Grinch-like, sneak off with all the presents. I'm not sure what statement swiping all the gifts would make but, shit, it's the only way any us are ever going to get any wedding presents at this rate.

Hey Dan!

I made some oblique references to santorum in my web comic. I spent three days on the subject and no one has complained. Check it out.

Jan 19

Jan 20

Jan 21

I made it kind of vague because I didn't feel like getting kicked off the site. I shouldn't have worried. If they'll put up with a homophobic Christian mouse they won't have any problem with me. As I said vague but I did manage to tell people how to get to spreadingsantorum.com if they're willing to do the work.

--Erik N.

Thanks for sharing, Erik.

Dan,

I was out on a date recently. As the evening progressed we were making-out and things were getting hot 'n heavy. He then said to me, "What should we do from here?" With no forethought or hesitation and with complete spontaneity I replied, "We should whip up some santorum." With equal spontaneity and without hesitation he says, "Your place or mine?" We are very happy together and owe this in no small measure to that pathetic right-ring senator. As a thank you to him for our bliss and that of all others across the U.S. (indeed the world!) I think Dan Savage should pick a week and declare it "Santorum Week." During this week, people everywhere should be encouraged to create santorum and put a sample of the "frothy mix" in a small plastic baggy and mail it to the Senator. They should clearly label this fresh frothy mix as Straight, G,L,B T (or "Questioning") santorum so the senator can record the santorum by category, which he no doubt will do as he is so obsessed with people's private sexual behavior. I bet the media would grab onto this one. If you don't like my idea, perhaps you could sponsor yet another contest with the winner proposing the best idea for a Santorum Week. This is a senator who needs his own week

Dan.

Chicago Sassy In Rogers Park

P.S. The Santorumphobes should read elsewhere. Or, you should start a Savage Love II column that is devoted exclusively to all that is S/santorum.

Mr. Savage,

I include here my rebuttal to your response to my letter. I posted this on my website yesterday but maybe you have not time to check in yet. (I appreciate that in your response you were very polite - especially for a Liberal.)

I also include the letter I wrote this morning to Senator Santorum just to show I am impartial in this matter and am tackling head on the danger to future innocent Santorums at both ends of the problem.

MY REBUTTAL

Savage: "I’ll meet your Geneva Convention and raise you a First Amendment. "

a) It is always refreshing to meet a Liberal who agrees 100% with our president that domestic US law should always trump International treaties. However I cannot help thinking that while this notion works fine as regards silly little things like global warming, steel tariffs and missile defense, probably when it comes to serious business like engagement in war we had better agree to play by the same rules as everyone else. Of course that is only my feeling, but I cannot help thinking that your legal arguments probably wouldn't play too well in front of an international court at The Hague. But hey - who cares! Right? They'd have to come here and get you first!

b) I must own up to a mistake I put in my first letter referring to the Santorum campaign as "illegal". Technically I can't make that stand up and am even surprised to see I put it there.

All I am really saying is the campaign is immoral, and demonstrably so with reference to time-honored moral precepts. Now to take your argument that your Freedom of Speech absolves you of your moral duties, that's nonsense. Under freedom of speech you might be entitled to loiter outside a schoolyard and call all the heavy pupils "Lard-ass" in front of their friends. Does that make it morally OK to do that? I would say no. In the same way your freedom of speech does not absolve you of your moral duty not to engage in collective punishment. It's that simple.

“If Susie and David Santorum of Reno, Nevada, should be angry with anyone, they should be angry with the Senator, not me just as Hillary and Robert Hitler should be mad at Hitler, not the Allies.”

Nice rhetoric Mr. Savage, but short on logic. My complaint with your campaign is largely about school children who might get bullied because their name now means something unsanitary. Do you think schoolchildren were already getting bullied because of the disrepute into which they had been dragged by Mr. Santorum? Hmmm. I wonder.

Let's put it this way - if 20 years down the line schoolchildren are getting teased because of the actions of Rick Santorum ("Na! Na! Na! You compare homosexuals to dog-lovers! Na! Na! Na!"), then you'll be right and we should blame Mr. Santorum. If however, (and unless school bullies have changed a lot since I went to school this is the more likely scenario!) children are getting teased because of your campaign ("Na! Na! Na! You are a smelly and disgusting sexual by-product! Na! Na! Na!"), then it will be YOUR fault, and we should blame YOU. Fair enough?

“I'm not punishing any Santorums, not even Rick Santorum. I'm merely exercising my free speech rights.”

Objection your honor! Stricken for nonsense. You are taking steps to invoke retribution against Rick Santorum for actions that you have adjudged to be immoral. That is "punishment" Mr. Savage; you can't spin your way out with that line.

And AGAIN "free speech" does not mean you aren't "punishing". The two are not mutually exclusive. If you were cruelly dumped by a lover, and in revenge you tell everyone that that lover has a small penis then that is (a) an exercise of your free speech rights; and (b) punishment. It's that simple.

"Why should I have any sympathy for the poor, unfortunate souls who share Santorum's last name? I don't recall seeing a press conference on C-SPAN at which these innocent Santorums condemned the Senator for his hateful remarks, and sought to distance themselves from his homophobia."

You did not graduate highly in an ethics and morals class, did you Mr. Savage? Thisis the moral equivalent of saying "Why shouldn't America blow up an Afghan village? I don't recall seeing them all distance themselves from 9/11"

No one has a moral obligation to distance themselves from any action for which they were not directly responsible. Should I travel the world looking for every immoral action of the last several decades and then hold YOU accountable if you didn't specifically condemn every one of them?

There should be no need to distance yourself from someone just because they have the same name. Most people have moral sense enough to appreciate that a person's mere surname should not mark them out as a target. Unfortunately, it seems Mr. Savage, that "most people" does not include you!

To conclude, it is very obvious that the vast majority of your belief in your right to run this campaign is based on the actions of Rick Santorum, which you deplore. I have no problem with your taking extreme exception to them. As a heterosexual, and one whose only relationships with dogs and minors have been entirely platonic, his remarks did not personally offend me, but I can appreciate how they obviously offended you and it would seem a large number of your constituents.

But just as the terrible actions perpetrated upon this nation on 9/11 did not morally allow us to just say "Osama did something really bad to us - let's nuke Afghanistan even if it kills mostly innocent people too", so the grave wrong done to you by Mr. Santorum does not entitle you to take a similar attitude to all the Santorums.

***

I also noticed on Mr. Santorum's site this response from one of his readers, Santorum Mapper:

I looked through the phone book and I saw only 21 unique addresses out of about 100 million where an innocent couple or individual named Santorum lived. [W]orry not, 21 in 100 million is a pretty low rate for such a high impact effect.

This is like if I looked at a map of Palestine and said, "We're going to kill this entire suicide bomber's family in retribution. Look - out of millions of Palestinians his family only has 10 people in it. So 'worry not'"

[ END REBUTTAL ]

[ LETTER TO SENATOR SENTORUM ]

Senator Rick Santorum

511 Dirksen Senate Office Building

Washington, DC 20510

Dear Mr. Santorum,

I write to you as a lifelong Republican voter, as an avid Richard Nixon fan, as the manager of the pro-Bush website Red, White and Right www.RedWhiteAndRight.blogspot.com, and as someone who has acknowledged your existence for longer than I could care to remember.

First of all I would like to thank you for all the innumerable good things you have done for our country, which would be impossible for me to name.

Secondly and more seriously I wanted to discuss the troubling campaign run at the Liberal website www.SpreadingSantorum.com, which I am sure you are aware has become intent on forever associating the good name "Santorum" with an extremely unsanitary sexual by-product. Obviously this is a delicate matter so I will not go into details of which I am sure in any case you are aware, nor can I understand why people can't just have a good bath beforehand, thus entirely alleviating the matter.

Like most conservatives, undoubtedly, I was shocked at the content of this website - even though watching Liberals lower the standard of discourse in this country has become a daily spectacle, I was surprised they would go this far.

I instantly wrote off a letter of complaint to the person running the site, a Mr. Daniel Savage. Of course I knew from the first instance that there was no point in suggesting he drop it just because it was completely disgusting - since in the first place he was obviously brazenly aware it was disgusting, and in the second place, since he was a Liberal that was obviously something of a bonus.

Instead I appealed to his better nature as a Liberal pointing out how if the word "Santorum" became forever associated with a disgusting and unsanitary byproduct this would affect not just you, with whom he takes issue, but also with every single Santorum in the country, even including Santorums as yet unborn. Mr. Savage and myself are currently engaged in a debate over this issue, which I am winning because I am a better debater. Unfortunately, I cannot help feeling this fact may not be enough.

The truth is Senator Santorum, that while I know right is on my side in this issue, I cannot help but feeling certain remarks you may have made in the past, which apparently provoked Mr. Savage into fomenting his campaign are somewhat undermining my argument and obscuring the real issue here. While I can appreciate that you never intended other Santorums to be affected by your remarks that have offended homosexuals. Nonetheless plainly they WILL be affected, and may continue to be affected up until you withdraw the offending comments:

"If the Supreme Court says that you have a right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything."

It seems to me, Senator, with our noble President poised on the brink of banning gay marriage for good, that we Republicans are already doing more than enough to cater toward the gay-hating contingent in our party, even from the very highest branches of government. Banning gays from marrying AND comparing their activities to incest might look just a bit like pandering to the haters (a mere fringe group after all!), a move which could ultimately be seen as contrasting with the Republican party's longstanding image as a party of tolerance and inclusion.

In that spirit I would like to request that for the good of the image of the Republican Party, and the good of the image of the Santorum name, that you withdraw those remarks.

This I feel would remove the last thin veil of legitimacy that hangs over the SpreadingSantorum campaign and would shatter even Mr. Savage's moral fervor, thus sparing yourself and generations of future Santorums a lifetime of potential ignominy and embarrassment.

I look forward to your response,

Arty Ploomer

P.S. I wondered if I might also prevail on you to ask another favor. I have heard many conservatives fulminate at length on their belief that the Gay Agenda is intended to undermine America. I would very much like to weigh in on this debate but I have thus far been unable to procure for myself a copy of this document. It occurs to me since you have taken a broad interest in the activities of homosexuals that you are very likely to have a copy around youroffice. If you could in your response, please also forward me a copy of the Gay Agenda I would be extremely grateful.

[END LETTER]

One way or another I hope this matter should be resolved presently.

Arty

P.S. If you yourself would see fit to forward me a copy of the Gay Agenda I would be grateful to have a look to see what its all about. Or is it just a hoax like the Protocols of Zion?

Dear Arty:

What the hell do you do for a living? I mean, I don't even have the time to read your letter, to say nothing of actually generating something this long and involved. Remember, kiddo, this is primarily a prank, a joke, a little gay revenge on the asshole Senator.

Senator Sanatorum is a good Catholic, god-fearing man, who is just trying to preserve morality in America. He's totally right, gay sex is disgusting and comparable to incest. But, I also understand that you and your kind are the tool of the devil to shoot down good men like Rick Sanatorum and find great joy in the fact that you sir, are destined to lose and be chained eternally to the lake of fire. Hope you enjoy it!

Another God fearing Catholic man

Dear AGFCM:

No one has proposed "shooting down" the Senator. I think he has a right to speak his mind (it shouldn't take long, should it?), just as I have a right to speak mine. And I speak for those who were crying out for a word to describe that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

Santorum Letters
February 16, 2004

Dan

I looked through the phone book and I saw only 21 unique addresses out of about 100 million where an innocent couple or individual named Santorum lived. Enclosed is a map of these locations in blue. As an added bonus the locations of the Senator are marked with a brown splodge.

Hence to those worried about the collateral damage caused by this whole affair, worry not, 21 in 100 million is a pretty low rate for such a high impact effect. Note though that there are 2 other Richard Santorums outside PA (in NC and NY) that I have presumed innocent through all this.

Regards,

Santorum Mapper.

View the map

Dear SM,

Thank you for researching this issue. Clearly the whole "innocent Santorums" issue is overblown. If any of the "blue" Santorums out there reading this would like to share their thoughts on "brown" santorum, I invite them to write in. In the meantime, the campaign continues-and will only intensify, I might ad, after the elections this November. Sen. Santorum will be up for re-election in 2006, and I intend to keep santorum-the-noun in the public eye (eewww), and in the Senator's face (EEEWWW!) until the voters of Pennsylvania wise up and throw the bum out.

Hey Dan,

Just a thought... Now that spreadingsantorum.com is the first entry for "Santorum," maybe you should concentrate on other keywords. For instance, a search for "Rick Santorum" and "Senator Santorum" both produce results with spreadingsantorum not in its rightful number one spot. I'm no computer expert, but it should be relatively easy to add the keywords "Rick" and "Senator" to the keywords. Feel free to add in anything else too...say "Pennsylvania"

-Jon

Dear Jon:

spreadingsantorum.com is moving up on all keyword searches, and I hope to overtake all of Senator Santorum's official websites soon—with the help of my readers and spreadingsantorum.com fans, of course.

You should buy santorum.com and just point it to your website, or point spreadingsantorum.com to santorum.com. You'll get a lot of conservative asshats that way.

-Holly

Dear Holly:

Eh... I thought about it for, oh, an instant, Holly, until I saw that the current owners of santorum.com want almost two grand for the address. While I'm enjoying this campaign, and while I despise everything Santorum stands for, I'm not made of money. I'm still waiting for George Soros to come through with the dosh to do www.spreadingsantorum.com billboards in D.C. Come on, George!

Dan:

I thought you might like to know that santorum is mentioned in the March issue of Jane Magazine. It's on page 63 in an interview by Joshua Lyon with Sarah Polley about "Dawn of the Dead":

Lyon: I heard you did a take where you referred to some old coffee as "santorum," columnist Dan Savage's new term for a mixture of lube and fecal matter, named after homophobic U.S. senator Rick Santorum.

Polley: [Cracks up.] We did. I doubt it will make it in.

I love your column. Keep up the good work!

Andi

Mr. Savage: I suppose you probably get a lot of inarticulate hate mail from outraged conservatives over your Rick Santorum site. So fearing redundancy I deleted my first couple of drafts.

You probably think because I am a Bush Voter that I disapprove of the very excretion you have begun your campaign to name. Well you're right. But that isn't the point I wanted to make. And this is not a "does God approve of homosexuals" email either - no doubt you could quote scripture at me from noon until night making arguments I wouldn't even want to rebut in the first place, even if I had read the Bible, as I am not in any way anti-gay!

Instead I thought I should appeal to your better judgment as a liberal, which I believe is something you claim to be. Under international law and commonly understood precepts of "natural law" collective punishment is unethical and unlawful. However if your campaign to make the word "Santorum" mean something so unsanitary is successful, then not just conservative pundit Rick but all his family, immediate and distant, young and old—indeed completely unrelated, and even UNBORN Santorums for generations to come will be blighted and so collectively punished. Punishing innocent people for the actions of others is reprehensible and cruel in addition to being illegal under international law and a breach of the Fourth Geneva Convention.

I have often heard Liberals wail about GW Bush breaching international law as if this was the worst thing anyone could do, but here you are, Mr. Dan Savage, a Liberal, acting like article 4 of the Geneva Convention never existed!

Anyway I hope you will give consideration to this mail and call off your misguided, unethical and illegal campaign.

Arty P

www.redwhiteandright.blogspot.com

Dear Arty:

We've been over this issue before. I am not the original defiler of the good name Santorum. Senator Rick Santorum—through his idiotic insistence that the state has a right to meddle in the intimate affairs of Americans, by insisting that Americans, gay and straight, have no right to privacy, and by comparing gay men and lesbians to dog fuckers (and thus incurring our wrath)—brought his own name, and the names of his family members, born and unborn, and distantly related Santorums, as well as not-related-at-all Santorums into disrepute. If Susie and David Santorum of Reno, Nevada, should be angry with anyone, they should be angry with the Senator, not me—just as Hillary and Robert Hitler should be mad at Hitler, not the Allies.

As for your mention of the Geneva Convention, I’ll meet your Geneva Convention and raise you a First Amendment. I'm not punishing any Santorums—not even Rick Santorum. I'm merely exercising my free speech rights. I'm free to blacken (or brownen) Rick Santorum's name, just as he's free to smear my good name, and the good names of all the God-fearing, tax-paying, red-blooded American gays and lesbians he compared to dog fuckers.

And finally, why should I have any sympathy for the poor, unfortunate souls who share Santorum's last name? I don't recall seeing a press conference on C-SPAN at which these innocent Santorums condemned the Senator for his hateful remarks, and sought to distance themselves from his homophobia.

Santorum Letters
February 12, 2004

Hello-

There's an mp3 of my band The Peppermints new song "Santorum (Cookies 'n' Creme)" at www.pandacide.com

Keep up the good work. We will support your mission however we can. Cheers-

Emron

The Peppermints

San Diego

The Peppermints mp3's and CD's

AntiQuark - We Have People

The Peppermints and Pet Set Records

-Have Your Human Spayed Or Neutered-

Santorum Letters
February 11, 2004

On a whim, I thought I'd check and see if anyone felt a need to inform others of santorum through a website. Apparently, the site name is for sale. Anyone feeling creative?

www.santorum.com

I'm already running one santorum website -- now #1 on Google! -- and I don't have the time to run two. But if anyone else is interested, you're welcome to join the party. Let's pile on the Senator!

Santorum Letters
February 10, 2004

SPREADINGSANTORUM.COM IS NOW #1 ON GOOGLE!!!

google1.gif

Dan,

I bet you're probably already aware of this, but I didn't see any mention of it on the santorum website, so I thought it was worth mentioning. You have successfully google bombed the senator, and spreadingsantorum.com is now the #1 result on google when searching for "santorum"! Congradulations!

Aaron

We're number 1...we're number 1

Jasun

Dan:

I wrote this and it ran in our university newspaper Friday the 30th. Just doing my part of spreading santorum:

Ball State Daily News

Kevin

Thanks for doing your part, Kevin!

Dear Dan,

Just nine days ago, you expressed your satisfaction that your web site was the fourth one listed in a Google search for "santorum" -- right after three links to Senator Santorum's own web site.

Well, you no longer can say that you are "bringing up Senator Santorum's rear." As of today (Saturday, January 31), www.spreadingsantorum.com has reached the

#2 spot -- nestled snugly between two links to the asshole's home page (www.senate.gov/~santorum and santorum.senate.gov). You're no longer

bringing up the rear; you have slid up and are now completely surrounded by the asshole.

Congratulations on your most recent triumph!

-Peter

google2.gif

I'm no longer bringing up the Senator's rear! That's good news. I'm not sure I like being in the middle of a Santorum sandwich, however, and one day soon I hope to be right on top of that asshole. We're #2 now... can #1 be far behind?

Dear Dan,

I'm not sure if you're aware of it, but Santorum is being spread in the Netherlands. In October I read about it in your Savage column and wrote about it for the Dutch gay magazine sQueeze. It's in the January issue. A scan is attached.

Yours sincerely,

Marijke Streefkerk

View the image

Thanks for the heads up, Marijke, and thanks for doing your part, sQueeze!

Santorum Letters
January 29, 2004

Dan:

Thought you'd be interested in this email:

From: "Palmer, Wayne (Santorum)"

Wayne_Palmer@santorum.senate.gov

U.S. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), Chairman of the Senate Republican Conference, is seeking a Deputy Press Secretary. The ideal candidate will have strong ties to the state of Pennsylvania, as well as education and/or 2-4 years of press/p.r. experience, preferably in government. This position represents a great opportunity for a young person to work for the third-ranking leader of the Senate majority, who is also a member of the Senate Finance Committee.

If any of your alumni or current students fit this profile and would like to work on Capitol Hill, they can call me directly at (202) 224-6324 or fax their resume to me at (202) 228-4808.

Thank you for your consideration.

Wayne Palmer

Policy Director, U.S. Senator Rick Santorum

It's time to send in a spy.

Signed,

A Loyal Reader.

Thank you for sending this email on to me, ALR. If there's anyone out there who is 1. a fan of santorum-producing activities 2. a regular reader of spreadingsantorum.com 3. unemployed and 4. willing to work for Senator Santorum and spy on Senator Santorum for this website, well, it looks like ol' Rick has a job for you! Apply today!

Santorum Letters
January 27, 2004

I would like to correct some misinformation on the spreadingsantorum.com page. On January 24th you published the following on your Spreading Santorum website:

“Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed, however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a bunch of cowards!"

Someone did ask the Senator about the new use of his name, Mr. Savage, and that someone was me. The question was not mentioned in either campus publication, but I do have it on video.

When my friends and I heard that the Senator was coming to speak as part of the annual Cardinal O'Connor Conference on Life, we planned on going and asking about the definition. We had a plan where one of us was going to dress like a Midwestern conservative and pretend to be outraged when doing internet research on the Senator and finding this new use for his name. We ended up having to use plan B when the Senator took ten minutes to answer each question and the woman we had chosen to do the asking was still far back in line.

So, when my turn came, I asked him. In response he attempted to take the high ground and not really address the question. Keep checking your regular mail for a copy of the tape so you can judge for yourself if we should win the prize for getting him to comment. Many people feel that the question I asked him was "disrespectful" and "graphic." I certainly didn't think so. And I have heard that as the organizers of the conference, Georgetown University Right to Life, apologized to him on his way out he said, "That's what you get for not charging for tickets." As if I wouldn't have paid to ask Santorum about santorum!

Anyhow, just wanted to let you know that there are some at Georgetown unafraid to ask the tough questions of our public officials.

Mike

Well, Mike, if you did ask Senator Santorum about the new meaning of santorum, and if you caught that moment on tape, you will not only win my undying love and affection, but some books and other nice gifts mentioned in a previous Savage Love columns. I can't recall off the top of my head what those gifts were, Mike, but I'm pretty sure they were awesome.

So I will look for the video in the mail -- and once it arrives, and once I've verified it, I will get your prize package to you. I will also make copies of the tape and send them to various media outlets *and* post the video on this here website.

I'm a student at Georgetown and the News Editor at The Georgetown Voice. To clarify, student Mike Wilson did in fact ask Senator Santorum a question about the meaning of his name, citing your definition verbatim. The article's mention of "several pointed questions" was an arguably oblique reference to this incident, which has been widely discussed by the student body here.

Shanthi Manian

News Editor

The Georgetown Voice

As oblique references go, Ms. Manian, "several pointed questions" is so oblique as to be arguably useless. How is anyone to infer from "several pointed questions" that a guy named Mike Wilson asked Senator Santorum about that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex and not, say, the Senator's support for the partial birth abortion ban, his obsession with man-on-dog sex, his bash-the-poor comments to various reporters?

Frankly, Ms. Manian, your news judgment is lacking. Any serious student of journalism would have covered this groundbreaking development in depth (and given props to the brave Mr. Wilson!), and not dismissed it with a so vague an aside!

Let me assure you that someone at Georgetown did indeed have the balls to stand up and ask Senator Santorum about his namesake. Proof is contained in the following letter written to The Hoya, another Georgetown University newspaper:

While Georgetown’s Speech and Expression Policy may never be amended to restrict irreverent or uncouth remarks, it disappoints me when certain members of the Georgetown community abuse the privilege of listening and learning to such a degree.

Such was the case at Sen. Santorum’s (R-Pa.) keynote address yesterday at the Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life. In a desperate attempt for attention and recognition during the Q&A session, one individual chose to liken the Senator to a vile bodily discharge in order to portray his alleged reputation within homosexual circles.

The Senator responded well to the verbal attack, and this individual’s misguided comments proved only to be an embarrassment to himself.

From what I am told, both the organizers of the conference and the questioner operated within the bounds of the Speech and Expression policy. But I’ve come to realize that there’s a huge distance between what this policy permits and what it ought to require — if only one thing — from the intelligent and privileged individuals that comprise our community. And it’s called decency.

Kirk C. Syme (MSB ’04)

Director, 2004 Cardinal O’Connor Conference on Life

I was out this weekend in DC, and I was trying to explain to a couple of friends in town from Chicago, the definition and origins of santorum. They were so intrigued by it all (first of all they had never even heard of Rick Santorum, much less the newer definition), that we decided that we would conduct a small, impromptu and unscientific survey at the bar we were going to after dinner, to see how far santorum has spread. This survey consisted of me going to every table I could and asking everyone seated if 1) they had heard of Santorum and 2) what they knew of the word.

Here are the results: 45 people total surveyed. 18 people had never heard of Rick Santorum. Out of the remaining 26, all of whom had heard of Rick Santorum, 10 knew the "'Savage Love' definition," as many called it.

While I was slightly disappointed, my friends from Chicago were intrigued. The best part, though, is that in conducting this small survey, at least one person at every table did know the "Savage Love" definition and everyone at the table who was not in the know immediately demanded to know what the hell I was talking about. So although when I arrived only 10 people knew, when I left 35 more people had heard the word, and I guarantee that my newly informed Chicago friends will be spreading the santorum upon their return home this week.

Just thought you might be interested in this little neck of the 'spreading the santorum' woods.

KC in DC

Apropos of nothing, KC in DC, I was born and raised in Chicago, where I was spreading santorum myself long before the word was coined.

And while you were disappointed in the results of your survey, KC, I was not. Of the 45 people you surveyed in DC, ten knew the new "frothy mix" definition of santorum. That's upwards of 20% of all D.C. drinkers surveyed! That's terrific market penetration—ask anyone in advertising!

Dan: I love the idea of you running bus ads here in DC, but it just sounds too expensive and too difficult to get past the censors. Have you considered stickers (of the bumper variety and smaller), at least as a first step? Some of us here would be more than happy to stick them around town.

Josh

Yes, Josh, I have considered stickers—viral marketing I believe the practice is called—but it would be difficult for me to run a viral marketing campaign from afar. (Alas, I do not live in D.C.) Plus, most viral marketing is illegal, as viral marketing usually involves defacing public property with stickers and such like. I would much prefer to buy bus ads—so I'll just hope that George Soros comes though with some dough. In the meantime, of course, you and your friends in D.C. are free to take whatever steps you feel are necessary to spread santorum on your own...

I'm a DC resident and last evening (Friday, January 23, 2004), I was at a scummy bar in Georgetown and happened to be having a few drinks with some friends from my university alumni association.

There was a girl with whom I was talking that was pleasant and nice. She mentioned that she just finished an internship on the Hill. I have an inquisitive mind (and also, I use party affiliation to determine if the conversation is going to continue) so I asked this kind person which senator worked for. Her response: "Senator Santorum."

I despise Senator Santorum. However, the thought of your website and personal crusade against this man came into my head. I stopped for a moment, expressed my dismay to the young lady, and then asked her if she knew what santorum now means. She did. Back during her internship, she help respond to constitute mail. Senator Santorum would receive upwards of thirty emails a day from individuals across the country on the alternative meaning of his name. The Senator requests that every day his staff summarize the topics of all email and have that summary brought to him to read. This young lady confirmed that the alternative definition of his name was listed, constantly, in these daily updates.

Congratulations, Dan, and warm regards,

Brian

Thanks for taking the time to write, Brian. And in case anyone would like to get something into Senator Santorum's daily email summary, here's the senator's email address again: webmail@santorum-iq.senate.gov

Santorum Letters
January 23, 2004

Dear Dan,

On Wednesday, 21 January, the Senator Himself spoke in our Inter-Cultural Center on his signature topic, and The Voice, one of our student newspapers, gave the talk its usual & fairly straight-forward coverage. However, given the headline on the top of the front page, I can't help but wonder if someone on the staff knows about the (still) secondary meaning of the term:

voice.jpg

The original can be found at: Georgetown Voice

Hm... Santorum fills an auditorium... the mind fairly boggles! I noticed, however, when I read the story, that none of the students at Georgetown had the balls to ask Senator Santorum about the meaning of his new name. What a bunch of cowards!

Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004

Dear Mr. Savage,

I just wanted to congratulate you on "santorum" making it into the New York Times -- kind of. It appears in Thursday's edition in an article about "google bombing." Unfortunately, they only allude to the meaning of the word: "Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush, Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various unprintable phrases."

Engineering Google Results to Make a Point

I suppose we shouldn't expect to find "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the product of anal sex" within the pages of the Times (at least not since that prankster Jayson Blair left), but then again, no one expected a US senator to bring up "man on dog."

Anyways, hopefully this is the kind of printed ammo you need for your campaign for OED recognition. And apparently you have fans at America's premiere newspaper. Could a Sunday Times column be next? I bet William Safire would love to have you on board. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an "On Language" etymology of "santorum."

Also, watching the State of the Union with a room full of Harvard undergrads, the camera shot of Santorum ellicited howls of laughter from half of us, and after a quick explanation, snickers from the rest. Aside from Tom Brady's cameo (he's a Patriot, we get it already...) and Nancy Pelosi's mescaline-induced Democratic response, it was the highlight of the speech.

Best,

Dan Bailey

Oh, one final thought: Perhaps the reason none of my quotes were included in the Tom McNichol’s piece on Google bombing is that… well, I had to confess to Tom that I never bombed Google at all. When I expressed a desire to get www.spreadingsantorum.com up to the top of the page when you searched “Santorum” on Google, I got a lot of advise from readers about how to do just that. Unfortunately, it involved a great deal of work – work done in front of the computer, no less, work I was simply too lazy to do. I told Mr. McNichol as much, and told him that www.spreadingsantorum.com made it to it’s current #4 position on Google on its merits alone, and not thanks to any attempts on my part to game the system. All I did was put the site up andmention it in my column (“Savage Love”). My readers – God bless them, every one – did the rest.

So it’s thanks to my readers that www.spreadingsantorum.com, and the new definition of santorum, pops right up when you search santorum. It’s not in the top spot yet… but I’m content to be where I am, #4, right after three links to Senator Santorum’s own website. Indeed, it’s only fitting that I’m bringing up Senator Santorum’s rear.

Finally, I’m considering buying bus ads on Washington DC buses and in the DC subway to promote this website and help spread santorum all over our nation’s capitol. This is, it goes without saying, a hugely expensive proposition. If there’s anyone out there reading this (hello, George Soros!) who might like to contribute… don’t be shy! Write me at santorum@savagelove.net

Santorum Letters
January 22, 2004

Well, well, well.

Not too long ago you were bemoaning the fact that santorum and it's correct definition was not being picked up by the main stream media. It is getting closer.

Today in the New York Times I read an article titled "Engineering Google Results to Make a Political Point." I found the following therein: "The Liberty Round Table, a libertarian group, started a Google bomb that linked the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a nutrition advocacy group, with the term 'food Nazis.' Other recent Google bombs have sought to associate President Bush, Senator Clinton and Senator Rick Santorum, a Pennsylvania Republican, with various unprintable phrases."

"Unprintable phrases." Hmmm, how delicious. Congratulations.

Long Time Reader

I saw the story this morning shortly after the New York Times hit my porch. While it's wonderful to finally see the new meaning of santorum referenced, however vaguely, in The New York Times, I somehow don't think congratulations are in order. The author of the story -- Tom McNichol -- actually interviewed me for the piece and then had the nerve not to use any of my quotes! My quotes contained many printable phrases, LTR, as I give a fairly pithy interview. I'm half tempted to think of a new meaning for McNichol...

You can check out the story by going to this link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/22/technology/circuits/22goog.html

In one of your recent columns you complained about how none of the big media outlets had so much as mentioned your Santorum Google-bombing victory. Well, I was reading an article about Google-bombing in the New York Times today, and though they didn't provide any specifics, they did mention that Santorum had been a target! It's only a matter of time before other newspapers catch on, and the next thing you know, whenever they show a picture of Santorum on NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, instead of writing "R - PA" under his name they'll write "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex".

It Must Be A Left-Wing Conspiracy

We can only hope, IMBALWC, we can only hope.

The new meaning of santorum also made The Hotline, "National Journal's Daily Briefing on Politics" today -- and, like The New York Times, the Hotline chickened out, not only refusing to define the term, but neglecting to provide the link to this website. Here's the item:

WHAT'S NEWS . . .Thursday . . . 1/22/2004 . . . 4 pm

...Meanwhile, we hear sex columnist Dan Savage has started a Web site that uses "Santorum" as a noun, but we ain't linking to it.

Santorum Letters
January 21, 2004

I don't know if you caught the State of the Union address, but you would have been in Santorum Nirvana. Rick was clearly seen nipping at Bush's heels as they entered. However, the money shot came when that dickhead at the podium talked about his commitment to an amendment ending the reign of those "activist judges" who would allow same-sex marriages. Ol' Ricky was there, grinning and lapping up applause. Every time I saw his face, I thought to myself, "Who the hell is that guy? Oh yeah! That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." Great job you old politico, you.

Pissed-Off Liberal

I didn't catch much State of the Union Address last night -- or SOTU, as the bloggers like to call it. I did, however, get home just in time to hear Bush slam those damn activist judges (like the ones who handed him the White House), and pledge to support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. I, like the four or five other gay Americans who were doubtless watching the speech, wasn't pleased -- until the camera cut to Senator Santorum. Seeing Santorum's ugly mug inspired me and the boyfriend to get it on in his honor.

I'm happy to report that we didn't have to endure "a visit from the senator" -- remember, kids, santorum is only *sometimes* the byproduct of anal sex.

I thought you might be happy to know that last night about eight college students sat in our dorm watching the State of the Union address, and as the Shrub was banging on the podium about the Defense of Marriage Act and the camera cut to Santorum's smirking face, all eight of us burst into hysterical laughter and started yelling, "Santorum! Santorum!" I wonder how many people across the country had the same reaction. Maybe the number would wipe the smirk off Santorum's face. It's spreading, Dan, santorum is spreading, and we love you for it.

Arielle Lipshaw

Keep reading this week's letters, Arielle, and you'll learn that Senator Santorum must have some idea about how far and wide the new meaning of santorum is spreading.

As for the numbers of people who had the same reaction you did, well, mail is pouring in from readers who had the same reaction you did when Senator Santorum appeared on screen.

Not sure if anyone else saw this, but I watched the State of the Union address on a certain "fair and balanced" cable news channel. Just as our President was finishing his heart felt discussion of the institution of marriage (between a man and a woman), the camera pans to The Honorable Senator from Pennsylvania, "Rick or Dick" Santorum. It's nice to see the grips and bestboys (tee hee) read your column.

Sincerely,

Republican Laughing At Other Republicans

Thanks for sharing, RLAOR!

Hard to believe that I could watch President Bush deliver his address, but I did. As he delivered his sanctity of marriage spiel, the NBC cameras panned to none other than Senator Santorum, looking quite serious and self-important. I had to smile to myself (one of the few moments in this speech that I could), thinking of you and your fellow faithful readers responsible for the creation and rapidly spreading use of the term santorum.

It was the bright spot of the broadcast, at least for this Savage Love fan. Keep up the good work!

A Big Dan Fan

I will do all I can to spread santorum, ABDF, but it's really the readers of this website who are doing the hard, hard work of smearing the senator's name. Keep up the good work, gang!

I want to thank you for all of your good work in redefining "santorum." I tuned into the State of the Union address last night just in time to catch the we-must-protect-ourselves-from-gay-marriage part, which was ever so depressing. But as soon as Bush had finished reading his paragraph, NBC cut immediately to Senator Rick, and all I could think of was the alternative meaning of his last name and how Santorum has gotten his just desserts. It gave me hope. Thank you.

Erin B.

You're welcome, EB!

Just saw Rick Santorum singled out during Demonspawn's State of the Union I wonder how many other people watching chuckled and thought of a certain substance. Poor guy.

Puking in Chicago

Thousands, PIC, thousands -- and most of them took time to write!

Dan: Where I work, we get this daily online tip sheet called "Hotline," published by the National Journal. Every day they do a run-down of what presidential candidates are up to. Today, under the John Edwards part, the headline reads "EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum." Somebody said out loud to no-one in particular, "Hey, check out Edwards' bit in the hotline today." Within 30 seconds, a chorus of "eeeeewww!!" erupted from all over the floor. When we got to the end of the item -- which I've enclosed below -- about 5 minutes of pants-pissing laughter filled the room. Of course, the reference in hotline is to Mr. Santorum, rather than to the noun santorum, but reading thru the passage, the way it's worded, I'm betting that the hotline writers read your column! Sign me,

I Thought You Should Know

Thanks for sharing, ITYSK. The item is hysterical -- and I'm betting that whoever wrote it had to know the new meaning of the word santorum! Here it is:

EDWARDS: Scathed by Santorum

Manchester Union Leader's Kepple reports Senate GOP Conference Chair Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) delivered a "blistering" attack on colleague John Edwards during a 1/14 interview with the paper. Asked his impression of the WH '04 Dems, especiually the three senators, he called Edwards an "empty suit" with no understanding of how govt. worked.

Santorum: "As far as the three are concerned, all three of those candidates have their strengths and have their weaknesses. Of the three, candidly, I'm the least impressed with John Edwards. In his time in the United States Senate, he distinguished himself by arguing for things I would have thought he would have been an expert on -- things like the Patients' Bill of Rights and medical liability -- but was as remarkably uninformed as any general member of the United States Senate on these issues." More Santorum: "The basic perception in the Republican caucus was that this guy is just an empty suit, that he just simply doesn't understand. My feeling is that he's a nice guy, he makes a very nice appearance, but I don't think he has the understanding, and the depth of understanding, of how government works and how these kinds of things affects the everyday person."

Edwards spokesperson Colin Van Ostern said he wasn't surprised Santorum was all over Edwards.

My friends and I just got back from a trip to Washington, D.C. While there, we had some free time and decided to visit Rick Santorum's office. There is a guest book in the lobby, so two of us (each on a different day) defined "santorum" in the comments section!

Santorum Spreaders

Good job, SS!

Santorum Letters
January 16, 2004

Dear Dan,

As the editor of a newspaper, you ought to know that, if you want the mainstream press to pick up a story, you have to spell it out for them. Thus, drawing on distant experience in media relations, I’ve taken the liberty of drafting a Santorum press release (see below). If Santorum activists forward the release to as many media outlets as possible, the story will eventually find its way to the mainstream wires. If one big outfit puts it out, everybody else will follow. Sooner or later, “tidbits” and “oddities” columns all over the Western world will be overflowing with Santorum. If they post the URL, you’ll win the Google war with ease. Twenty years from now, Senator Rick Santorum will be remembered exclusively as “the guy who inspired the name for the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

Uma O.

Dear Uma: Your press release is fabulous -- and I'm posting it here in hopes that other santorum fans will download it and send it off to various media outlets all over the country.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Anal Sex Byproduct Named for Senator Santorum

Internationally syndicated sex columnist, Dan Savage has launched a sweeping campaign to introduce a new word, "santorum," into the English language. Mr. Savage defines "santorum," which is named for U.S. Senator, Rick Santorum as "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

Mr. Savage's column, "Savage Love" appears in over seventy newspapers in the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. His effort to introduce "santorum" into popular parlance comes in response to a series of bigoted remarks made by Senator Santorum in reference to homosexuals. To help popularize the new word, the columnist has launched a website, www.spreadingsantorum.com, which includes a comprehensive selection of santorum-related letters, songs, merchandise, pictures, fun facts and recipes.

The new word is spreading fast. In addition to entries in the Urban Dictionary and the Glossary of Perversion, the site boasts numerous testimonials from readers who report hearing it used in countries as diverse as Cuba, Belgium and China. Google currently ranks www.spreadingsantorum.com as the third most relevant site corresponding to a search for "santorum."

Mr. Savage says that matching a credible-sounding name with a gap in the English language was the key to the santorum campaign's success.

"What works so well about santorum is that a smart Savage Love reader linked Senator Santorum's vaguely clinical-sounding name with something distinctly scatological, an anal-sex-induced bodily fluid that had previously lacked a really good name. 'Santorum' sounds like it could be what that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter has always been called, and that's why it's caught on."

The santorum crusade began in April, 2003 when the Pennsylvanian senator told reporters from the Associated Press that he hoped the United States Supreme Court would uphold anti-gay sodomy laws and compared consensual gay sex to incest, bigamy, adultery, and "man-on-dog" sex. The comments inspired a suggestion from a Savage Love reader that a sex act be named for Santorum "so that the episode would never be forgotten."

In response, Mr. Savage solicited readers' suggestions for a worthy "santorum" definition. More than 3000 nominations poured in Nine made it to a shortlist. Readers voted overwhelmingly for "The frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." The rest is history.

Although Senator Santorum is generally despised by Savage's readership, a few fans have challenged the fairness of forever linking him (and, by proxy, his family or anyone unlucky enough to share his name) to the previously anonymous "frothy mixture." But Savage is unapologetic.

"I understand that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this: It sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himmler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or a no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New York in 2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly good name is stolen from a family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or downright evil person, and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil person who shared your name that's to blame, not the general public."

Senator Santorum has declined to comment on the new homonym for his last name. But he may have trouble avoiding the matter forever.

In addition to encouraging readers to post links to the Spreading Santorum website and lobby for an entry in the Oxford English Dictionary, Mr. Savage has offered a gift pack including a case of lube, a selection of santorum-themed T-shirts and copies of Anal Pleasure & Health and The Big Book of Masturbation to anyone who can get a quote from Santorum (the senator) on santorum (the lube-and-fecal-matter mix).

"Let's keep spreading the word," Savage says. "Soon santorum will be on everyone's lips."

Dear Dan: I read your wish to get santorum added to the Oxford English Dictionary. I work for the publisher, Oxford University Press, and thought I would offer a few hints on how a collective effort can make this come about.

Firstly, our dictionary is not too sold on the idea of online sources being reliable and permanent enough to warrant an entry that will last for posterity. Therefore, printed sources are more successful. If you are able to find a number of different columns or articles that reference santorum, collect the clippings.

Secondly, as another reader pointed out, these should be submitted directly to the OED via the webpage:

http://www.oed.com/readers/>http://www.oed.com/readers/.

Thirdly, it should also be noted that articles and columns that just reference santorum in an attempt to define it are less likely to be successful - if it still needs to be defined in the column, it means the word has not yet reached the point where it has entered the common lexicon and therefore does not yet warrant an entry, it is still just a neologism. Context is everything. If the word is used in an article in a way that assumes that most readers will understand it without it being defined, we are getting closer. Also, the broader the audience, the better - niche-jargon or minor subculture slang is less likely to be considered.

All the above points can be illustrated with "bling-bling", recently added to the OED.

Lastly, not to put a damper on things, but a suitable timescale is also preferred when a word is being considered for entry. If I remember correctly, the traditional rule of thumb for new entries was that the word needs to appear in at least five different widespread printed media sources over the course of five years. I think this is less relevant these days with new techno-jargon, but it can still be a factor.

Hope that helps the campaign achieve some success!

Your Man on the Inside

Thanks for the pointers, YMOTI.

Everyone! Keep your eyes peeled for mentions of santorum in print -- particularly ones that don't mention me or my campaign -- and send them my way. Santorum has appeared in a play (see the next letter), and we know from an earlier letter that the santorum might be heard in a re-make of Dawn of the Dead. So at least two scripts out there use santorum, and neither make any reference to me. Let's find more examples, kids!

Dan: Just writing to let you know that over the summer, I wrote a play that was performed in the Minnesota Fringe Festival (the largest independent theater festival in the nation). While audiences could have been larger, everyone who saw "Semi Autobiographical" (or an advertisement for the play) was treated to a santorum reference. I hope to go down in history as the first playwright to integrate the term into his work.

Chris Kelly

P.S. I've enclosed the dialogue that includes the santorum reference:

JAMIE: ...and all of a sudden Travis just gets up

and leaves and says he’s going to visit his hairy

monkey boyfriend.

SARAH: He called him a hairy monkey?

JAMIE: No, I just heard somewhere that he was

really furry. Whatever, he’s gone for half an hour,

forty-five minutes maybe. And he comes back all

disheveled, and it’s clear that sex has happened. Are

you guys sure you want to hear this?

CARL: For the hundredth time, yes! We want proof

that you can tell a truly filthy story.

JAMIE: Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Anyway, we get up and start walking back towards the

dorms, and we realize that there’s this brown stain

slowly spreading across the back of Travis’ pants. I

mean, he was dripping. Like, post-sexual carnage or

something.

SARAH: Santorum!

JAMIE: But since he didn’t seem to notice, none

of us said anything. We just pretended like it wasn’t

there.

DAVID: Well, he had to have realized. Maybe it was a badge of honor.

JAMIE: That’s disgusting.

DAVID: No, seriously. How do you not notice anal

leakage? He has to know that lube and cum and god

knows what else are coming out of him.

SARAH: Maybe he was numbed by the recent

monkey-lovin’.

CARL: They could have used that lube that numbs you,

so you’re all loose and ready for action.

JAMIE: And here I was worried this story would be too

gross.

SARAH: I kind of like the badge of honor idea. Like,

kind of advertising to the whole world that he’s just

had this huge dick in him. That’s completely

provocative.

CARL: Technically, we don’t know that the dick in

question was big.

SARAH: To leave him dripping like that?

(DAVID groans.)

JAMIE: To be honest, he was only mildly complimentary

of monkey man’s genitalia.

CARL: See?

DAVID: New topic.

JAMIE: Agreed.

(c) chris kelly 2004

Thanks for sharing, Chris, and I hope to see your new play transformed into a made-for-TV movie/holiday event/very special episode of Gilmore Girls sometime soon.

Let's move on to a few more literary selections inspired by santorum...

Hello, Mr. Savage.

Here’ s hoping the following humble effort will inspire further references to santorum in song and verse:

There once was a schmo from New Shoreham

Renowned round the town for decorum

But when no one was near

He’d stuff a thumb up his rear

And say, "Hey! I gots lotsa santorum!

God bless you, Sir, for all the good work you have done!

Limerick Author Reinforcing Santorum

Dear Dan: "Duck butter" is a floating semen clump that sits on the top of hot tub water after you've disengaged from having unprotected sex with your (now discharging the resultant goop) partner. I heard this in high school in Marin County, where bored rich teenagers, hot tubs, and absentee parenting was the norm. "Dude, where did Jenny and Matt go?" "They're making duck butter." It was common vernacular. Given the nature of sex in water (which sucks), I think it's just a teenage mythos thing, but that's what I heard, so I am submitting it for the annals humping-related terminology.

Thanks for being so great! You are best!

Love,

Name Withheld

Another reader claimed that duck butter, NW, was the original name for santorum. I felt it was more disgusting -- if that's even possible! -- than santorum since ducks and butter are both things we eat, and duck butter sounds like something that comes on toast points in a nice restaurant. I'm glad to learn that duck butter is the name of a mythical sexual byproduct -- unlike santorum, which is an actual sexual byproduct.

Hey, Dan: I was skimming a story on a news website (this one, actually: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/tribune-review/tribsouthwest/news/s_171326.html) when I read that Rick Santorum's spokesman is named Hershey! Now, I'm sure it's because I never matured past a seventh grade mentality, but I just found that hilarious.

Crash

You've never matured past a seventh-grade mentality, Crash, while I can only aspire to that level of maturity. Hershey! Ha! Thanks for sharing!

Santorum Letters
January 09, 2004
Santorum Letters
December 15, 2003

I am truly inspired by your ingenious victory in the campaign to permanently stain that despicable excuse for a human being. There is no escape for him, because all roads lead back to santorum.

There is, however, one byproduct of the now-famous definition, which might affect one's enjoyment of a cappucino or a fresh-squeezed orange juice: Every time I now think of the previously innocent word "frothy" in other contexts, I find it difficult to forget the "frothy mix".

Is there a way to save that foamy, fluffy purity from the skank factor and the senator? Would you consider a proposal to remove "frothy" from the mixture, at least in the official definition?

Sweet Loving Underachiever Respects Purity

I'm sorry, SLURP, but "frothy" stays in the definition. The new definition of santorum -- complete with "frothy mix" -- is on too many websites and dictionaries to be revised now. I feel your pain, however.

Today I called the senator's office to ask about the definition and what sounded like a cute young lady told me she had no idea what I was talking about. And I just asked her if this was true that santorum is defined as a byproduct of anal sex with the elements of lube and fecal matter and she told me she was "not allowed to comment on that." I am going to have everyone I know call!

Thanks, Dan! You're Amazing!

Randy

You're welcome, Randy! And that number, for others who might want to call the senator and ask him if he knows what his name stands for...

1-202-224-6324.

I know you've been taking all kinds of crap for spending too much time talking about santorum, but I've just heard how to make the "Spreading Santorum" web site the top Google result for the term "santorum." It's the trick that was used to make George W. Bush's bio page the top Google result for the search term "miserable failure."

Here's what needs to be done: Spread the word to all your readers who have web pages and tell them to add this link to their personal web pages, blogs, etc.:

<a href="http://www.spreadingsantorum.com">Santorum</a>

The link should appear as the hypertext "Santorum" that links to the "Spreading Santorum" web page. As more and more web pages add this link, the "Spreading Santorum" will skyrocket to the top Google search result.

I hope this helps to place santorum in millions of web viewers' hearts, minds, and on the tips of their tongues. (Uhh, maybe not that last one.)

Peter Smith

Thanks for sharing, Peter, and I hope all the bloggers who are out there reading this page and linking to it follow your advice. As for the position of spreadingsantorum.com on Google, sometimes it's #3 on the first page, other times it's way, way down on page eight or nine. I don't understand why or how it's bouncing around so much...

It seems Rick Santorum is on to your shenanigans.

If your readers try to email Rick Santorum from his Senate Website (<http://www.senate.gov/~santorum/), the site blocks anyone who uses "spreadingsantorum.com" as part of the return address. So leave it off, folks, if you want to write the senator!

As the Senator's site also asks for your zip code, correspondents who don't live in Pennsylvania may want to check the online yellow pages for Pennsylvania. As a frothing-at-the-mouth asshole who's also an elected politician, Rick Santorum may pay more attention to Pennsylvania zip codes than out-of-state ones.
Zip Codes from Fun-Sounding Pennsylvania Places:
Beaver Falls - 15009
Bird-in-Hand 17505
Camp Hill - 17011
Danville - 17821
Intercourse - 17534
Mount Joy - 17552
Paradise - 17562
Peach Bottom - 17563
Pleasant Gap - 16823
Snow Shoe - 16874
West Middlesex - 16159

Zip Codes from Boring Locales:
Allentown - 18101
Bethlehem - 18015
Lancaster - 17602
Mechanicsburg - 17050
Philadelphia - 19103
Pittsburgh - 15260
Reading - 19602
Wyomissing - 19610

By the way, how do you feel about the link from your site to Glossary of Perversion? It contains a large number of dictionary definitions promoting violence towards women: beating women's faces in, punching them in the stomach, rupturing their eardrums, slamming them against walls and tables, gouging their eyes out and coming in their eye sockets.

I was dismayed.

A Fan And Supporter

Thanks for the helpful tips, AFAS. My readers who would like to contact Senator Santorum should follow your advice, leave out the name of this website, and use one of the zip codes you've provided.

As to the Glossary of Perversion, well, I'm torn. I don't approve of violence against women, of course, but it is a glossary of perversion, and violence against women is definately perverse, right? Still, it seems like the GoP is reveling in violence against women, so I'm going to remove the link from my website.

The folks at the San Francisco Chronicle are soliciting nominations for 2003's Word of the Year. Obviously, no word has better symbolized the ongoing turbulent relationship between the world's two favorite pastimes, sex and politics, than "Santorum." The URL below provides instructions on how to vote. http://www.sfgate.com/cgibin/article.cgi?file=/g/a/2003/12/11/word.DTL

SPREAD THE SANTORUM!

TS, San Francisco, CA

Thanks for sharing, TS! Folks, go to the Chronicle's website and vote for santorum!

This is in response to SSATUOM, who suggested adding sperm to the definition of "santorum." I know it may be hard for some of your readers to believe, but santorum can be created without a penis being involved.

Sincerely,

Delights In Kinky Ecstacy

Right you are, DIKE. You don't need a penis to make santorom. Two lesbians can have anal sex -- or two men, or a man and a woman, or someone playing solo person. All you really need to make santorum is a butthole, some lube, and something to stir the pot. Fingers, toys, strap-ons, fists, and forearms have all produced santorum.

Hey, Dan: Q: Who gave the Senator of Pennsylvania fecal matter-and-lube-stained sheets for Xmas?

A: Santorum Claus! Ho ho ho.

Happy Holidays!

Happy holidays to you too, HH!

Just wanted to let you know that santorum is spreading in the Midwest. I was at a bar here in Minneapolis last night with some friends and we taught the bartender to make the santorum shot described in your column. He had heard of santorum, the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter, but not the alcoholic version. He thought it was hilarious, and we drank several of them. You're right, they are delicious!

Jo in Minneapolis

Thanks for spreading the cheer, Jo!

Santorum Letters
December 08, 2003

Dear Mr. Savage: I am writing to suggest a slight change in the definition of "santorum," which is currently, "the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." I suggest adding the ingredient of semen to the definition. While this may exclude certain types of fecal matter and lube mixtures, such as the mixture resulting from "pegging," the addition of semen as a requisite to the defining mixture will add an additional element of squalor to the definition, making it all the more apropos to describe our cherished Senator. I would also like you to know that the term is catching on at the University of Miami School of Law. My colleagues and I have attempted to spread the santorum goodness around. Keep spreading the goodness! Sign me,

Spreading Santorum at the University of Miami

Jesus, SSATUOM, I think the definition is gross enough as-is, don't you? And while semen is sometimes present in santorum, I don't want to encourage people to have unsafe sex just so they can make a little santorum. I like the idea that, as currently defined, santorum can be made by two people who barely know each other, made safely, and made often.

You have a fan in Cuba. My Cuban girlfriend began enjoying Savage Love when she visited me here in Toronto a while ago. Last week I was visiting her in Cuba, and I brought your column with me to give her some more interesting (and forbidden, like pornography and anything else sexual) reading material. We read your column together and as usual she had a good laugh. When I explained the term santorum to her, at first she laughed her head off, then looked at me seriously and said, "You know, there are people in prison for over 20 years in this country for saying less than that about our politicians." She paused to let that sink in, then said, "Democracy is great."

Dan, don't you and your fellow Americans wonder, if your democracy is so great to give you the freedom to promote santorum in public, why it's so afraid of allowing its citizens to visit a struggling little Caribbean country?

Countries Under Bad Authority

The politicians who prevent Americans from visiting Cuba, CUBA, aren't afraid of Castro or Cuban communism catching on in the USA. They're just afraid of pissing off conservative Cubans in Miami, those famously easy-to-piss-off whackos.

I am not sure if this has been suggested yet, but if you can get enough readers to setup internet links on their webpages with "Rick Santorum" and point it to your www.spreadingsantorum.com page, your page should bubble to the top of the Google search engine. This has been successful in the past (i.e. search for "miserable failure" in Google and Pres. Bush's Whitehouse biography is the first link listed). More information for "Google-Bombing" can be found at http://www.wordspy.com/words/Googlebombing.asp.

Stick It To Him

Thanks for the hot tip, SITH.

Dear Mr. Savage,

Just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that several of my friends—many of whom, sadly, do not read your column—have been using the term santorum in conversation in a way that has nothing to do with the politician. Your experiment to forever attach this horrible man's name to a horrible post-coital mixture is an unequivocal success. As one who is both a faithful reader of your weekly column, and one who loves and studies the English language, let me congratulate you on your successful grassroots campaign to forever add the nastiness of santorum to our lexicon.

Word Fetishist

Thank you, WF. Now when will the mainstream press report on this? For an example of the conservative bias in the mainstream press in action, one need only look to the complete media blackout on the Santorum/santorum issue. Why won't the mainstream (read: conservative) press report on our successful campaign to attach Sen. Rick Santorum's name to a sexual byproduct that's almost as disgusting as he is? Their conservative bias, of course. Someone alert Eric Alterman!

Hey Mister! There were times when your deviation into political commentary really annoyed me—partly because I'm one of those Counterpunch reading lefties who was less than fond of Al Gore. Uh… let's just hate the Bush administration, 'k? Anyway, I couldn't be more grateful for the "santorum" thing. It's things like your brilliant "santorum" campaign that make life worth living. Thank you thank you thank you! I really, really needed that.

Loves Everything Funny That Insults Elephants

Thank you for your sweet note, LEFTIE. But you seem to have left something out... AN APOLOGY! You don't say it in your letter, LEFTIE, but I can read between the lines: You voted for Ralph Nader! And, as a Nader voter, you helped put George W. Bush in office. So while I'll happily hate the Bush administration right along with you, LEFTIE, I can't help but point out that you bear some responsibility for the existence of that administration! First, an apology, then we can commiserate together, 'k?

Santorum is my representative. I am an artist in Pittsburgh and he embarrasses me. I made a photo illustration of him with a body that I bet he wishes he had.

http://www.sextorum.com

I'm offering it for sale. I need to make $2,000 so that I can give the maximum amount that is currently allowed by federal law to donate to the person who runs against Santroum in 2006.

John R.

You've associated a very foul by product of sodomy to a man's name. No matter how awful this man is, I wonder how fair it is for his family and anyone who have nothing to do with this politician and happen to have the same name.

I remember in school a bully picked on a girl who's name was Edith Mae. He made fun of her and anyone named Edith(this included adults) was a target of this moron. I see "Santorum" as the perfect example of this. I'm not saying you're a bully but your actions border on contemptible.

Rallying people to make fun of a man is one thing but to sanction his last name to ridicule, which belong to innocent people not associated with this man, is another.

I did a quick Yahoo search just for the hell of it and found 124 Santorums all over the US. Do these people deserve to have their names associated with fecal matter and anal sex? I don't think so, do you? I love you, Dan but I'm just not behind this.

Uncomfortable With This Campaign

I see your point, UWTC, but I have to ask: When Santorum was smearing gays and lesbians all over the United States—comparing us to dog fuckers—did you send him an outraged letter? Somehow I doubt it. And, shit, I'm sorry, and I understand that there are some innocent Santorums out there. But I see it like this: It sure sucked to be Fred and Ethel Hitler of Columbus, Ohio, back in 1943, didn't it? Or Bill Himler? Or a Quisling in Norway after the war? Or no-relation Lewinsky? Or an Oswald in 1963? Or Mary Sue bin Laden in upstate New York in 2001? My point is, sometimes a perfectly name is stolen from a family, sometimes it's ruined in fact, by the actions of one bad, wayward, idiotic, or downright evil—and it's the bad, wayward, idiotic, or evil person who shared your name that's to blame, UWTC, not the general public.

You're probably sick of santorum stories by now but I thought I'd pass mine along anyway, 'cause it's a good one...

Over Thanksgiving I was in central Pennsytucky, Santorum's own constituency and a right wing bastion, and I happened to be in a Walmart parking lot walking past this big 'ol pickup truck with a gun rack, you get the picture.

Well this guy had some interesting bumper stickers. One said, "I vote pro-life." One said some shit about being a NRA supporter. And one said, "Sportsmen for Santorum." Oh, if he only knew...

SMM

Thanks for sharing, SMM!

I recently submitted the word "santorum" to the Oxford English Dictionary and included a section of your column as an example of popular usage. I made an inquiry as to whether this could be considered a legitimate word, seeing as how it's catching on so quickly. I haven't received a reply back so far. I would encourage your readers to send in enough examples so that we can see this wonderfully versatile word included in the next edition.

Longtime Reader in Massachusetts

Thanks for sharing, LRIM, and I want to encourage everyone out there reading this to send an email to the nice folks at the OED. That link again: www.oed.com/readers/

Glad for the opportunity to contribute to this international craze, a little something for your Contact Santorum section...

The good senator has a link on his website where you can submit an email with your views regarding a range of issues. I would like to encourage your readers to make use of this wonderful opportunity to deluge his office with Santorum related questions or comments. Clever or crass, let's show him how widespread and inescapable his doom is. For topic, use "Faith Bases Initiatives".

I can just imagine it, every time ol' Rick hears about this... his teeth clench... his smile gets a little wider, but blood vessels are bursting in the whites of his eyes... each day....closer and closer... inch by inch....makes me feel warm inside, and this time it's not from heated lube. Pass the KY and let him feel the assfucking given to him by one gay sex columnist!

http://santorum.senate.gov/emailrjs.html

Send Him Inescapable Torture

Thanks for sharing, SHIT!

Santorum Letters
December 04, 2003

While I endorse the appropriation of Senator Rick Santorum's last name as a word for that frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex, and am doing whatever I can to help propel the word into common usage, the campaign does have a downside. As a young girl who enjoys anal pleasure, I often undertake the task of introducing young boys to the pleasures of anal sex. Some of them start out squeamish and full of misconceptions, and your focus on one of the least appealing aspects of anal sex hasn't helped. I do not want my lovers to expect santorum, Dan! I have never produced the stuff! I find that rinsing a few times with warm water administered with a 35 ml syringe prevents it entirely.

Please inform your readers that individual standards for pre-sodomy cleansing vary widely, and while a frothy mix of lube and fecal matter is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex, it isn't always, and, with a little preparation, santorum can be avoided entirely.

Squeaky Clean

As I've emphasized again and again, SC, santorum is only sometimes the byproduct of anal sex. For the record: Anal sex doesn't necessarily have to result in "a visit from the senator," a handy euphemism that's already in circulation. Anyone who encounters santorum every time he/she has anal sex needs to get a little more fiber in his/her diet, as well as spending a little more time in the can, pre-buttfuckin'.

As I'm of the opinion that nothing's truly entered the lexicon until it's had a basement punk band named after it, I hope you dig this: a band of teenagers taking part in this summer's musicstop/canadian conservatory of music "Rock Camp" in Halifax called themselves "the santorums". I'm sure you can get more info/confirmation by getting in touch with www.musicstop.com . Hell, no such thing as bad publicity, you'd probably get these kids a record deal just by mentioning them in your column.

Cosmic Haligonian

I'm sorry, CH, that I can't mention The Santorums in my column -- not now, anyway. If the kids pull together a CD or a single, let me know and I'll see if I can work 'em in to the column and get 'em a record deal. In the meantime, I hope a mention on spreadingsantorum.com at least gets The Santorums some club gigs.

Regarding the speculation in your latest column about whether the new term "santorum" is going to make it into the vernacular: if it isn't, perhaps it is because that "frothy mix" already HAS a name. It's called "love gravy." I read a few years ago it in the interview with a porn actor and haven't been able to get the term out of my head since.

No Clever Acronyms Here

Thanks for making it clear to all the folks out there complaining about the word santorum, NCAH, that there's a far more disgusting term for that frothy mix. Actually some readers have written in about yet another term for that frothy mix: duck butter. Santorum, while disgusting, is vaguely clinical sounding and abstract, whereas "duck butter" and "love gravy," on the other hand, are far more disgusting by dint of their association with foodstuffs. Duck butter and love gravy sound like products you spread on toast points and pour over mashed potatoes, respectively, before putting them in your mouth to chew and swallow. Santorum, on the other hand, sounds like something you need to get out your sheets and/or out of the U.S. Senate pronto.

I love your column, and I've enjoyed the santorum-the-noun saga since it began. But do you think you could do me a favor and lose the phrase "santorum will soon be on everyone's lips"? I know what you mean, but it still sounds gross. You told a girl recently that she was justified in refusing a blow job when her boyfriend said his dick looked like it was covered in santorum. I think this falls roughly into the same category. Who wants to think about santorum on their lips?

Santorum Isn't Culinary, Kids

Consider it done, SICK. In place of the phrase "santorum will soon be on everyone's lips," I promise to use... hm... let me see. Oh, yes: "Santorum: It's on the tip of your tongue."

Your effort to popularize "santorum" continues to pay off. I was enjoying a post-work drink with friends recently when a news clip featuring the big man himself appeared on the bar's TV. The conversation immediately turned to that "frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter", how appropriate it is that the word was coined in honor of the senator, and laughter at the man himself.

Now that the use of santorum is well on its way, I wonder if the Savage Love lexicon could be expanded with a new word—"boygina." My boyfriend coined that one. He's one of those straight guys that enjoys having a dildo in his ass during sex. I had difficulty with this at first, but he explained that massaging his prostate during sex (something he discovered in adolescence) made his ejaculations more intense (it does) and that a man's asshole can be just as erogenous as a woman's vagina (it can).

However, discussing anal sex using "ass", "asshole", "rectum", or "bunghole" colors the conversation with a dirty, excretory aura. "Boygina" makes it sexy. The only thing I can't decide is whether to spell it "boygina" or "boigina."

I hope you'll consider it for inclusion in the Savage Love dictionary.

Sincerely,

The Dildo and Daniel W.

I'm sorry, TDADW, but "I wanna fuck your ass," is a lot sexier than, "I wanna fuck your boygina/boigina." I mean, ugh. Boygina/boigina sounds like something a pedophile might say, or a fallen pop star, or a man who's having trouble accepting that he likes to get fucked in the ass so he wants to think of his ass as some sort of cut-rate vagina. Repeat after me: "I wanna fuck my boyfriend's hot ass," "I want to fuck my boyfriend's hot ass," "I wanna fuck my boyfriend's hot ass..." The more times you say it, the sexier it sounds.

My wife and I have had two boys in cloth diapers, and these shit-rags are still gleaming white. If your readers are having trouble getting santorum out of the sheets, off the pillowcases and out of the drapes, here's what will work: Keep a covered bucket in the bathroom, filled with water and a hydrogen-peroxide-based cleaner. Once you find yourself in possession of santorum that you'd like to be rid of, drown it in the bucket. Run the garments through the washing machine once the bucket is full, and all will be swell.

Daddy-O

Thanks for the helpful hint, Daddy-O! But anyone who produces santorum so regularly—remember, it's only the byproduct of anal sex sometimes—should probably give up anal sex altogether and take up, oh, knitting or something less physically demanding.

Every time I got to the gym this superhot personal trainer wants me to finger fuck him in the back hall. I'm always up for gym sex, but I hate how my fingers smell for the rest of my workout. No matter how hard I scrub or how much lotion I slather I still smell like his santorum. Is there a brand of soap or a home remedy you would recommend?

Smelly Fingers

Ask your gym to keep a bucket filled with water and a hydrogen-peroxide-based cleanser in the locker room for you to soak your lil' fingers in.

I am 52 yo man and had my first anal intercourse a few weeks ago with Hawaiian hooker in San Francisco. I hated the santorum!

But that's not why I'm writing, this is: I have a theory for your attack on the senator. I think you are sexually attracted to Rick. Although he is very mean and arrogant, he is rather feminine and frail/boyish looking man....

Late Bloomer

Sorry, LB. Senator Santorum does nothing for me—I mean, I've had "hate sex," banging away at some guy I thought was a jerk, so it's not like the concept of wanting to fuck someone you loathe is alien to me. There are a lot of hateful guys out there I wouldn't mind making santorum with—or wouldn't mind risking it with, since santorum isn't always the byproduct of anal sex, only sometimes the byproduct—but Santorum ain't one of 'em. Dan Quayle's oldest son, on the hand...