March 2, 2004

At risk of destroying some folks' taste for Christmas candy, here's another recipe whose end result resembles santorum - divinity. Why this occurred to me now, I have no clue. This recipe is not for those who own anything less than a high-powered stand mixer, though.

Bring 2.5 cups sugar, .5 c water, and .5 cup corn syrup to boil in a heavy saucepan and cook without stirring until the hard ball (laugh it up) stage, or 260 degrees F. While this is cooking, whip 2 egg whites in an electric mixer until they form stiff peaks.

Once the syrup hits the right temperature and the egg whites are beaten, slowly pour the syrup into the egg whites, occasionally scraping down the sides of the bowl.

At this point, the santorum recipes diverge - add 1tsp vanilla extract or 1tsp maple extract. If you like textured santorum, add .5 cup chopped pecans along with the maple extract - that was my grandmother's recipe.

After adding the flavoring, beat the candy until it is no longer glossy or your mixer begins to smoke. Then, either press the still-warm candy into a jelly roll pan to cool and cut to shape later, or, using two teaspoons, drop globs of candy onto waxed paper.

Presto! Edible, low fat, brownish globs of frothy mixture (with optional texture).


Christmas will never be the same again

February 3,2004

I thought of that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes a product of anal sex when I stumbled across "Congress Cooks" on the web. Never one to disappoint, Rick Santorum has provided his favorite tasty treat from the kitchen of him and all those products of his holy, heterosexual union:

"Tarte Tatin is a really fruity upside-down tart."

Serve with a generous dollop of...santorum?

Please keep spreading the good word about everybody's favorite mixture!


February 2, 2004

Here’s a recipe for santorum sandwiches from MESS, submitted through email. The O-shaped Cheerios represent froth bubbles:

One piece White Bread

Peanut Butter

Chocolate Syrup

Strawberry Jam (optional)

Honey Nut Cheerios

Spread peanut butter liberally on bread's surface. Drizzle with chocolate syrup and spread evenly to ensure an even distribution. If desired, add strawberry jam for an extra flavor dimension. (this addition can also be thought of as a "strawberry flavored" lube, if you will) Press Honey Nut cheerios into the peanut butter-chocolate-jam mixture for added texture and a delightful crunch. Fold bread in half and enjoy with a wholesome glass of ice-cold milk!

Grant, a loyal santorum spreader, suggested this (inedible?) variation: "replace cheerios with corn or just add corn for an added color an texture." Yum.

Santorum Shot

A current Savage Love reader and former bartender sent in this recipe for a shot in honor of Senator Santorum:

1/2 oz dirty ass well vodka

1/2 oz creme de cacao (dark)

A dash of cream

A healthy splash of seltzer water (soda water may work)

Place hand over top of shot glass. Slam on table and voila! A frothy brownish mixture!